The Weekend Send-Off

October 28th, 2011 - filed under: Furthermore » Feedback



Oi there, hello! It’s weekend time again! We had a lovely sunny week here, and Waits and I spent a lot of time outside, soaking up the last rays before they disappear for good. Right now there’s a storm moving in and it’s making me moody and broody and I guess that’s what winter’s all about, huh?

~~~

A deviation:

Today I’m having a rough day. And to be honest, that’s the case more of the time than not. These past 20 months have been the hardest of my life – harder than I ever expected. Perhaps I was naive. Most days I struggle to stay patient with this spirited, spitfire child. I have trouble keeping my cool and often, I fail. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me; if I’m missing some quality that’s important and inherent to parenting.

We all know that Waits is the Master Of Cute, but the truth is that he’s also an amazing human being. There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t fill me up to my top with joy and with pride. Those characteristics that make him such a challenging toddler – intensity, focus, persistence, enthusiasm, intellect, curiosity, bravery, perception – those are the very same things which will make him such a dynamic, interesting, and successful man some day. And even now, today, those are the things which make him him, and for that I wouldn’t have it any other way. My god, he’s exquisite.

But also, so. damn. hard.

I keep most of this away from Bonzai Aphrodite. BA is supposed to be a happy, positive place, and besides, it’s not a “parenting” blog. On the other hand, I don’t want to perpetuate an unrealistic expectation. I do NOT have everything figured out, I am NOT centered and serene all the time, and I certainly don’t want you thinking that my shit don’t stink. Dudes, I eat lots of chia and take big shits and they stink, okay? Seriously though, I’ve got my share of problems.

Not that I’m complaining. My point, I guess, is that on the Internet, one can really control one’s own image. Lots of bloggers want very badly (and work very hard) to appear flawless. I don’t want that! I think it’s dangerous and unfair. Because people compare, and I couldn’t stomach the thought of a person comparing themselves to some idealized version of me, only to find that they always come up short. Which they would, because nobody is perfect. Nobody has it all together – certainly not me.

Now I digress . . .

~~~

WINNER TIME!



Congratulations to Serenity! You are the lucky winner of the Fair Trade gift bag giveaway! Shoot me an email – info AT bonzaiaphrodite DOT com – and we’ll get this thing going!

~~~

And now on to the attitude of gratitude – the bestest way to end a week.


Le Love List:

1. My New iPhone
Maybe it’s because it caught me by surprise, but MAN do I love this little gizmo! Seriously, favorite piece of technology I’ve ever owned. The camera is better quality than our little point-and-shoot!! WHAT?!


2. Level 3 Shred
Jillian kicked my ass this morning, and it was AWESOME. ‘Nuff said.



3. ^^ Those! ^^
Seasonal coconut milks in chocolate peppermint and “nog” flavors. Two words: COFFEE and CHIA. No, it’s not health food. Yes, it is a spectacular treat. Spectacular.


Also! Mini pumpkins painted by mini people, snuggling with my dogs and breathing in warm doggy smell, Waits helping out in the kitchen, garden tomatoes in October and the xgfx pizza that they graced with their goodness, afternoon bike rides and crunching through fallen leaves, phone calls with old friends, cravings for Sabra hummus and the delight of fulfilling them, being Grown Up and doing the “big” life stuff, (life insurance/will/godparents – that sort), listening to Waits and Damian make all the animal noises together while I write this right now . . .

~~~

Alright guys, now it’s your turn – tell me what you’re loving this week!


My darlings, this happy little post will stay at the top of the page all weekend until tomorrow because it’s MoFo time y’all, and I’m still POSTING EVERY DAY! However . . . stop by any time to leave your Love List, ask a question, or offer some feedback! Or if you’re new, please introduce yourself and say ‘Oi!’! This is your community, so get involved!


Have a wonderful weekend my friends!

← Older Comments
  • Rebecca

    Very interesting perspective. Although I am not yet a mama, I do want to incorporate similar goals (except for homeschooling—that terrifies me! ha ha). I think you’re right…everything depends on what is right for you and your family. If accomplishing every ideal you have is making you totally stressed out, it makes total sense to “give” a little bit. It is like how I feel about eating “perfectly”. You could eat an absolutely perfect, nutritionally-balanced, all-organic, completely processed-food free diet, but if all you are doing is stressing out about what potential pesticide might be lurking or constantly on the hunt for why a food is bad and what is the better choice—that might be worse than the occasional boxed cracker!

    I think easing up on some of your rules is fine if it makes you and your family more content. There are really no hard-and-fast rules for being a parent (or, for your life for that matter!). We all just need to have game plan and then change when necessary. Good for you—realizing that something isn’t working and then considering if easing up might help (or not!)

  • Rebecca

    Very interesting perspective. Although I am not yet a mama, I do want to incorporate similar goals (except for homeschooling—that terrifies me! ha ha). I think you’re right…everything depends on what is right for you and your family. If accomplishing every ideal you have is making you totally stressed out, it makes total sense to “give” a little bit. It is like how I feel about eating “perfectly”. You could eat an absolutely perfect, nutritionally-balanced, all-organic, completely processed-food free diet, but if all you are doing is stressing out about what potential pesticide might be lurking or constantly on the hunt for why a food is bad and what is the better choice—that might be worse than the occasional boxed cracker!

    I think easing up on some of your rules is fine if it makes you and your family more content. There are really no hard-and-fast rules for being a parent (or, for your life for that matter!). We all just need to have game plan and then change when necessary. Good for you—realizing that something isn’t working and then considering if easing up might help (or not!)

  • Shamima

    I love the honesty of this post and of all the readers. I adore my 11 month old and feel very fortunate to be home with him. This said, there are times when I feel I am not doing enough for him, not being patient enough or interacting enough with him. I have learned that we moms, can be too hard on ourselves and we need to be a little more forgiving with ourselves. Being a mom is rewarding but it can also be so tough!!

    I am loving being able to eat my chocolate, coconut oatmeal in peace and quiet (not chugging it down) while hubby takes care of my little man.

    Have a wonderful weekend!!

  • Shamima

    I love the honesty of this post and of all the readers. I adore my 11 month old and feel very fortunate to be home with him. This said, there are times when I feel I am not doing enough for him, not being patient enough or interacting enough with him. I have learned that we moms, can be too hard on ourselves and we need to be a little more forgiving with ourselves. Being a mom is rewarding but it can also be so tough!!

    I am loving being able to eat my chocolate, coconut oatmeal in peace and quiet (not chugging it down) while hubby takes care of my little man.

    Have a wonderful weekend!!

  • Chelibw

    thank you, rebecca. i appreciate the support : )

  • Chelibw

    thank you, rebecca. i appreciate the support : )

  • Chelibw

    50 some comments? jeesh. apparently most of us are quite rotten mothers, huh. i m kidding, being funny, surviving.
    i never did my love list!
    love list:
    having a 1.5 hr date w my husband on sat!
    the kids being happy w flor, who looked after them so happilly
    no more mastitis!
    my sons shareing a balloon
    my girlfriends
    rooibos
    doulaing

  • Chelibw

    50 some comments? jeesh. apparently most of us are quite rotten mothers, huh. i m kidding, being funny, surviving.
    i never did my love list!
    love list:
    having a 1.5 hr date w my husband on sat!
    the kids being happy w flor, who looked after them so happilly
    no more mastitis!
    my sons shareing a balloon
    my girlfriends
    rooibos
    doulaing

  • jill

    What I’m loving (so appropriate for your posting): the book Buddhism for Mothers. I felt rather in control of my wee one when I just had one (and he was/is a bad sleeper, emotional, clingy thing, in both good and frustrating ways), but having two…I lose it all the time with them. I try to live a nonviolent, democratic sort of family life, so that is so uncool for me. I found the book this week and it is just what I need. It’s not a quick weeklong sort of read, more the sort of thing you read and highlight and devour slowly.

    Funny that when I started reading the book, I thought of how amazingly effortless the troubles that come with toddlerhood don’t effect you and/or aren’t present, so I’m glad now to see you’re human too (though sorry that you have to go through all this with the rest of us!) :)

  • jill

    What I’m loving (so appropriate for your posting): the book Buddhism for Mothers. I felt rather in control of my wee one when I just had one (and he was/is a bad sleeper, emotional, clingy thing, in both good and frustrating ways), but having two…I lose it all the time with them. I try to live a nonviolent, democratic sort of family life, so that is so uncool for me. I found the book this week and it is just what I need. It’s not a quick weeklong sort of read, more the sort of thing you read and highlight and devour slowly.

    Funny that when I started reading the book, I thought of how amazingly effortless the troubles that come with toddlerhood don’t effect you and/or aren’t present, so I’m glad now to see you’re human too (though sorry that you have to go through all this with the rest of us!) :)

  • http://twitter.com/lixo00zero zerowastelifestyle

    Nope, no one’s perfect. What a struggle the day can be sometimes. Parenting/running a home/working can be gruelling even for the most enthusiastic souls out there….of course I never post pictures of the mountains of dirty laundry that await me some days or my cross face when I lose my patience with my kids or my unmopped floors or the unwashed dishes in the sink…….that would be plain boring for people to look at. If I start a dirty dishes blog no one is going to want to know……
    nice to know that other folks also battle with the business of the day….funny how one muddles through in the end! Okay, gotta go- I’ve got laundry to put away and floors to mop………and what the heck do I make for lunch (forgot to soak anything yesterday- no beans, no almonds, nada) and oh-my-god when will I ever find the time to get started on my christmas sewing and I have a mountain of reading for university……….and European Week for Waste Reduction is soon….

  • Alysson Hartmann

    Hi, thank you for posting this. I struggle the same way! My boy is 10 now but I added 2 little girls recently. Even so, these girls are nowhere near how “intense” my son was (and is). I think anyone who has to chase a spirited kid around all day, keep them safe, clean up after them, love them etc. etc. would struggle with patience! I know I did (and do!) It helps to see that others are in the same boat, so thanks for the honesty there. (By the way, he is way easier now but whew those early years were rough!)

    Also, I recently became Vegetarian and really enjoy the peeks into what you and the kiddo eat on a day to day basis. It is informative and inspiring to me.

  • veronika

    nicely done, sayward. rock on.

    my one like this week is carving (chopping) pumpkins to eat them. ’cause pumpkins are food, and it makes me so sad to see them rotting, wasted, or smashed on sidewalks :(

  • Cedar

    OMG, Sayward!! Thank you sooo much for posting this. I have to admit that I always cautiously read your blog (amongst many others) on certain days. Days when I can handle looking in on a perfect world without looking inward upon myself as too imperfect. So many blogs honestly make me feel depressed in some ways. I see these happy, shiny, neat, clean lives and think to myself-what am I missing? This can’t possibly be real life to them or I’m really lacking something here! I DO enjoy certain aspects of looking in on that crispy-clean world, but I also really appreciate posts like this. They make me feel human again! I agree with you on everything you wrote here. My son is 9 months old and it’s been the most intense 9 months of my life. Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming about giving him a sibling and then I almost want to smack myself for being a crazy person! lol The dynamics of every single relationship in my life have changed. Some for the best, and some for the worst but all in all at the end of the day, I’m still obsessed with this little boy. Motherhood is rad. The kid is screaming at me so I have to go. I just wanted to say that your honestly is refreshing and I can totally relate. I respect you a lot and can see that you’re an *amazing* mother.

  • Serra

    Speaking of homeschooling (in some of the earlier posts), what is your plan with Waits?

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thank you, again, to everybody. We’re having another rough day and it helps SO MUCH to come here and read through these comments. Motherly commiseration is so important! You guys are the best, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thank you Karen. It must be amazing to see your child become a man! (or woman)

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    “We can’t possibly be perfect, but at the same time, we feel that our kids deserve all of that and more.”

    That, my friend, is some wisdom! So true, so true.

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    I couldn’t agree more, and I think the comparison to the fashion/mainstream beauty ideal, is a great one. Both work by establishing a “perfect”, to which everyone should judge themselves by. Nobody lives up.

    And it’s just as bad for the “other side” – the “insiders”/models/actresses/ etc in the industry, and nowadays the bloggers, who craft this image and KNOW that it’s carefully crafted, but yet somehow still can’t resist also trying to live up to it. And of course failing. Yes yes, TOTALLY.

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    April feel free to email me, I would love to hear more from you! info AT bonzaiaphrodite DOT com

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Hi Rachel! Welcome, and congrats on the Almond Milk! =D

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Public schools all the way! =D

    (and just to be clear, that is not meant to be a judgement AT ALL on anyone else’s choices – be they home schooling, unschooling, private, whatever – but for us, we feel like the public school system is the right choice.)

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Alexander you always make me miss college so much! I just love your enthusiasm. =)

  • Zio

    Sayward, I recommend this book for you. I mean, really. http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288

← Older Comments
Subscribe to my RSS feed Follow me on twitter Find me on Facebook Find me on Pinterest