The Weekend Send-Off

October 28th, 2011 - filed under: Furthermore » Feedback



Oi there, hello! It’s weekend time again! We had a lovely sunny week here, and Waits and I spent a lot of time outside, soaking up the last rays before they disappear for good. Right now there’s a storm moving in and it’s making me moody and broody and I guess that’s what winter’s all about, huh?

~~~

A deviation:

Today I’m having a rough day. And to be honest, that’s the case more of the time than not. These past 20 months have been the hardest of my life – harder than I ever expected. Perhaps I was naive. Most days I struggle to stay patient with this spirited, spitfire child. I have trouble keeping my cool and often, I fail. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me; if I’m missing some quality that’s important and inherent to parenting.

We all know that Waits is the Master Of Cute, but the truth is that he’s also an amazing human being. There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t fill me up to my top with joy and with pride. Those characteristics that make him such a challenging toddler – intensity, focus, persistence, enthusiasm, intellect, curiosity, bravery, perception – those are the very same things which will make him such a dynamic, interesting, and successful man some day. And even now, today, those are the things which make him him, and for that I wouldn’t have it any other way. My god, he’s exquisite.

But also, so. damn. hard.

I keep most of this away from Bonzai Aphrodite. BA is supposed to be a happy, positive place, and besides, it’s not a “parenting” blog. On the other hand, I don’t want to perpetuate an unrealistic expectation. I do NOT have everything figured out, I am NOT centered and serene all the time, and I certainly don’t want you thinking that my shit don’t stink. Dudes, I eat lots of chia and take big shits and they stink, okay? Seriously though, I’ve got my share of problems.

Not that I’m complaining. My point, I guess, is that on the Internet, one can really control one’s own image. Lots of bloggers want very badly (and work very hard) to appear flawless. I don’t want that! I think it’s dangerous and unfair. Because people compare, and I couldn’t stomach the thought of a person comparing themselves to some idealized version of me, only to find that they always come up short. Which they would, because nobody is perfect. Nobody has it all together – certainly not me.

Now I digress . . .

~~~

WINNER TIME!



Congratulations to Serenity! You are the lucky winner of the Fair Trade gift bag giveaway! Shoot me an email – info AT bonzaiaphrodite DOT com – and we’ll get this thing going!

~~~

And now on to the attitude of gratitude – the bestest way to end a week.


Le Love List:

1. My New iPhone
Maybe it’s because it caught me by surprise, but MAN do I love this little gizmo! Seriously, favorite piece of technology I’ve ever owned. The camera is better quality than our little point-and-shoot!! WHAT?!


2. Level 3 Shred
Jillian kicked my ass this morning, and it was AWESOME. ‘Nuff said.



3. ^^ Those! ^^
Seasonal coconut milks in chocolate peppermint and “nog” flavors. Two words: COFFEE and CHIA. No, it’s not health food. Yes, it is a spectacular treat. Spectacular.


Also! Mini pumpkins painted by mini people, snuggling with my dogs and breathing in warm doggy smell, Waits helping out in the kitchen, garden tomatoes in October and the xgfx pizza that they graced with their goodness, afternoon bike rides and crunching through fallen leaves, phone calls with old friends, cravings for Sabra hummus and the delight of fulfilling them, being Grown Up and doing the “big” life stuff, (life insurance/will/godparents – that sort), listening to Waits and Damian make all the animal noises together while I write this right now . . .

~~~

Alright guys, now it’s your turn – tell me what you’re loving this week!


My darlings, this happy little post will stay at the top of the page all weekend until tomorrow because it’s MoFo time y’all, and I’m still POSTING EVERY DAY! However . . . stop by any time to leave your Love List, ask a question, or offer some feedback! Or if you’re new, please introduce yourself and say ‘Oi!’! This is your community, so get involved!


Have a wonderful weekend my friends!

  • Sarah

    Thanks for this…I have a 23-month old who sounds a lot like yours: FULL of life and passion and sometimes the extremes of toddler-menace. I lost my cool with her today (not the first time, I assure you) and I couldn’t help but wonder, just like you said, whether I was missing something that the “good moms” have; something that would make me patient and loving even when she’s testing me and pushing me. But in all, the good moments are better than the hard ones, and I guess this is what parenting is about, eh? Hang in there!

  • http://www.parsnipsandpears.blogspot.com Ami @ parsnips and pears

    ahhhh I sooo needed to read this today!! My little guy is just about to turn 15 months and while he amazes me and fills me with intense love and joy… he also can drive me cRaZy. I had a mini break down today when he wouldn’t stop fussing and whining and like you thought “I must be missing something that makes a good mom”.

    Soooo many people out there put on this persona like motherhood is roses and sunshine 24/7 and it just isn’t! It is hard dammit… really hard, def harder than I imagined or than anything else I have ever done! The sooner we all get real and honest about that and support one another, the better off we will all be!

    PS I am still waiting for that coconut nog and chocolate mint to hit the shelves here in canada… so far nada and I am getting pretty jealous!

  • Melisa

    I felt so bad when my daughter transitioned from that magical, I-love-her-so-much-it-makes-me-ache, my-life-has-now-begun babyhood stage, to the TOUGH, exhausting, I-feel-guilty-all-the-time, am-I-fucking-this-up toddlerhood stage. I hate myself for not being fully present, for not keeping an immaculate house, for yelling, for letting her eat sugar, and on and on. And when she echoes me back to me with a nasty tone or look, it’s crushing. I still love her so much I ache, and I wouldn’t want to be without her, but GODDAMN it is difficult.

  • Melisa

    I don’t know how much tv you allow yourself, but Louie C.K. is HILARIOUSLY honest about his kids on his show, and it always cheers me up a little.

  • Eve

    I appreciate your honesty. I feel you on so many levels as the parent of a VERY brilliant and energetic 19 mo. child that presses my patience er’ day!

  • http://windycityvegan.wordpress.com Monika {windycityvegan}

    I rarely vent about how difficult motherhood is for me, and even when I do, the only person I am balls-out honest with is my best friend. Nina is so high high high high HIGH energy that it makes my head spin. I love her so much it makes my chest hurt, but at the same time I have no problem admitting that her energy level (which is IDENTICAL to mine – oh, my poor poor husband!) pretty much guarantees that she’s our one and only. I don’t cry or get nostalgic when she hits a milestone – I heave a sigh of relief and count the months until she’ll hit another one. If I wasn’t working outside of the home, I would pull a Ya Ya Sisterhood and flee the vicinity.

    TMI?

    Anyway, on to the love list already!

    1. Hallowe’en is my favorite holiday and tomorrow the fam and I are going to a bona fide Hallowe’en festival! Mar and I are going as Ramona Flowers and Scott Pilgrim, and Nina is going as a ballerina, with this freaky star-shaped, light-filled headpiece she and Mar made out of a repurposed hanging lamp thingamajig.

    2. Earlier this week Nina flipped through one of my Yoga Journals and went straight into compass pose. Freaked me out, she’s so strong! And then the very next day I found out that my yoga studio just started offering yoga for children – ‘real’ yoga that focuses on breath, stillness, awareness, form and function; not toddler play-acting and funny face making yoga (which was all we could find for kids Nina’s age). And best of all, it’s affordable! She starts next week.

    3. The necessity to stay offline these past few weeks. It was hard at first, but once I gave myself over to it life got a LOT easier. That being said, I’m glad that in another week or two I should be able to ease back onto the internet.

  • Corcorhe

    First off I have been reading your blogfor a while and love the honest, straight forward and enthusiastic manner in which you present everything. Now for a question, I am on the verge of taking my husband (who is up for anything) and my 2 boys (one is 2 years old and the other 4 months) onto a vegetarian stransition to vegan diet and I am wondering what your pantry is always stocked with? What do you make sure you always have? Thanks again for all the wonderful articles and how you make this lifestyle seem attainable for anyone.

  • Kimberly

    I hear ya, sister. My 22 month old is a wild man too. I feel like any gripe about my “hard” day makes me feel guilty since I *should* feel lucky to be able to stay at home with him! Sometimes it’s good to see I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes. You provide such a nice perspective here too – all the things that make for a challenging toddler make for an exceptional person. Thank you! x

  • Dekarasick

    Love #1- when folks keep it real and admit their struggles like you just did! Thank u!

    Love #2 – the amazing foot rub my husband gave me (out of the blue- for no reason) last week.

    Love #3- certainly NOT least, watching my little girl. Her funny faces, the new things she can do now and making her laugh. She’s incredible.

  • Annie

    ” If I wasn’t working outside of the home, I would pull a Ya Ya Sisterhood and flee the vicinity.”
    I think it’s really brave talking about all this and saying stuff like this. So many mum’s somehow feel embarrassed about sometimes finding it hard. I don’t have kids, but will in the future and I appreciate the honesty.
    When I think about my mum raising my sister and I alone, I am surprised that were all happy, healthy and… in tact. That must’ve been SO hard, and she admits that it was, but always quite lightly, because I think she feels that somehow it makes her weaker as a mother – when, on the contrary, I think it makes her a lot stronger.
    Strength is knowing when to ask for help, admitting your weaknesses and knowing that you’re human and life can be stressful and overwhelming. It doesn’t make you inadequate, it makes you real and actually – I think – a good role model.

    Love:

    1. My mum!! Let’s show a little mum appreciation for all they’ve done, do and will do for us. And all the mums everywhere!

    2. BEETS. They are AWESOME. And in season. And because Halloween is in Spring in Australia, and pumpkins are not in season, and Australians LOVE beetroot, I’ve started a beetroot jack-o-lantern thing with my friends. It’ll catch on. Just you see!

    3. Listening to my old Hole CDs. Hahaha!

  • tara

    I’ve never left a love list before, even though I always enjoy yours, but for some reason this one inspired me. I don’t have kids yet, but I have a niece and nephew I’m pretty tight with and I feel your pain. =)

    1. Health: my boyfriend just had his wisdom teeth extracted and came through it beautifully. Other than being swollen and drugged, he’s just enjoying getting spoiled for a few days.

    2. Tomorrow is my grandmother’s 2nd Annual Surprise Birthday Breakfast, which she requested this year because she enjoyed last year’s so much. lol. Obviously, not really a surprise this time, but I’m so happy and feel so blessed to have the huge, amazing family that I do.

    3. I’ve had pretty serious baby fever for over 3 years now, and even though I can’t wait for that part of my life to begin, I’m really trying to enjoy the (mostly) self-absorbed existence that I have now while I still can: movie nights on the couch with just the boyfriend and me, hanging out in the park on a minute’s notice, driving up to see my family with no plans or preparation. I know everything will change when I have my own energetic sprite around and I’m being appreciative of this phase of my life until it’s time to move on.

  • http://eerosa.wordpress.com erosan

    Look, Sayward… I’ve been trying the parenting-thing these past 10 months and although I know that does not makes me an expert, I suppose I know now enough to say that if you have that many pics of Waits looking happy, you can’t be doing a bad job at all.

    very short love list (saving my usual verbosity for nanowrimo)
    1. food
    2. sex
    3. rock ‘n roll

  • http://eerosa.wordpress.com erosan

    hahahaha! where is my head at? I almost forgot:

    25 hour birthday! yup the daylight saving time adjustment in mexico will happen during my b-day, so clocks will go back 1 hour and I’ll get one extra long Sunday to celebrate.

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    It’s so hard not to expect perfection from ourselves as mothers. Especially since nobody talks about this stuff! Anyways, thanks so much for sharing your experience and commiserating. =)

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    I find almost the entire mommy blogosphere is filled with these charming, whimsical representations of motherhood. It’s not helping anyone! I agree, the sooner we start having these conversations, the better. Thank you for making me feel okay about putting myself out there!

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thank you so, so much everyone. It was really hard to write that – any time I admit that parenting isn’t all flowers and sunshine, I can’t help but fear being judged. So thank you all for not only accepting me, but for offering such support and shared experience. I think it’s so important to have these conversations!

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Oh Melisa, this comment means so much to me. Every single part – I feel ya! Damn. Thank you. =)

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thank you Eve. It’s so comforting to hear from other parents who feel the same way!

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thank you, Monika. You’re so right – it IS hard to say these things! I worry about being judged or misunderstood. But I feel so much of what you’ve said here. Just this afternoon I was imaging Waits as an only child . . .

    Anyway, I understand that you’ve had to be away but damn girl, I’ve missed you! I’m really looking forward to your return, and catching up. When do you find out about the LSAT and law schools? Let’s email soon when you have some time!

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    I feel the same way about my mom, who raised me (a VERY spirited child, I wonder where Waits gets it, haha) as a single mother. I seriously don’t know how she did it.

    So yes, I’ll second the mum appreciation!

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Hi Corcorhe! Congrats on the veg journey – that is so awesome! My best suggestions of pantry staples are:

    - Canned beans for easy protein
    - Dried lentils which cook up quick and are hearty and packed with protein and nutrients
    - Some sort of dip (hummus, tahini, guacamole, etc) with fresh veggies like carrots/celery/peppers, for easy snacking
    - Chips and salsa for easy snacking
    - Nut butters! Protein and fat, good on everything. I make my own in the food processor and it’s MUCH cheaper than buying pre-made (except PB)
    - Fruit for snacking

    Other tips:
    - A good transitional cookbook is “Peas and Thank You”, and the blog of the same name is PACKED with easy, familiar, approachable family-friendly recipes. Seriously, it’s great “new veg” food (and just great period!)
    - Veg food is less calorie-dense, so you’ll need to get used to eating more *quantity*. That can take some adjustment but keep an eye on it, otherwise you may end up having a blood sugar crash or losing energy. Make sure you eat enough!
    - Keep an eye on the fat. You need it! Especially for kids, make sure you’re all getting enough fat
    - The book Becoming Vegan is AMAZING and will answer all your nutrition questions

    Good luck! Any one else got any suggestions??

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thanks mama. I think it’s so good for us mothers to commiserate. We’re not alone!

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thanks Dekarasick! And also, yay for surprise foot rubs. =)

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thanks for leaving your first Love List! It’s awesome that this discussion is relatable for women who aren’t parents yet, as well. =)

  • http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/ Sayward Rebhal

    Thank you Erosan. Also, great love list! How is NaNoWriMo going?

  • Karen

    Hang in there and know that every day is a new one. You are the best mum Waits could have. Parenting is the hardest job but the most rewarding. Certainly brings out the best and worst in a person!! I have 3 boys and the eldest is now 21 – the house is so quiet without him! He was a difficult child to raise at times – I can identify very much with what you say :-) Yet we have always been very close and talk about everything. He’s grown into a great guy. All my boys are different from each other and great in their own ways. Yet the other two were much easier to raise, and I don’t think it was just me being more experienced 2nd time around. They were and are much calmer and self contained. (which made me so)

    Hope tomorrow is easier for you :-) You’re doing a great job!

  • Chelibw

    you know, sayward, i m really glad you wrote this. it did have me wondering a bit, the whole, hi i m sayward, i have a cute kid who gets green juice all over himself, the chair, the dogs every morning, but i dont care, i take cute pictures of it and raw food laugh. my thought is ,e very time, doesn’t it annoy her to clean all the green goop off?
    and yes, the bloggosphere is full of sunshine and puppies parenting, but i don’t relate to them. they’re more ferber and strollers and naughty matts. i’m sure they have their problems too, but i just don’t relate. but i do somehwat relate to you. and the fact that you do it all, plus write books, wear things that are photographable (what? no sweats? no snot and berry stains?), take pics of food, garden, bike ride… had me wondering if there was a grumpy gene that was way too active in me!
    all this to tell you that i do appreciate the honesty
    a lot
    i have two sons, 3 adn a half, and 16 months. the older boy just stopped napping, and my world has turned upside down
    i stay home w them. and sometimes i wonder if the whole cloth diapering, freshly made organic food, no tv, homemade everything that crosses their lips, etc is worth it. my 3 yo is inquisitive ans smart and full of love. he talks all the frikin time. all the time. which is so intelligent, his questions and ideas, but sometimes i need quiet! my 16mo is so sweet and strong, he has very clear ideas, he is adorable. he also likes being held all the time. a while ago i was making lunch. i was making this really good vegetable soup. everythign was organic (for which you have to forage a bit out of the way here in spain) and freshly cleaned, cut, lovely. and here i was, stirring the soup w one on my hip and one yelping, yelling at both of them. and i swear, wouldn’t it have been better if i’d popped in a frozen pizza and NOT yelled at them? sometimes i wonder if the co-sleeping, homeschooling doesn’t come at too high a price for them. wouldn’t they be better with some teacher who lets them cry alone, tells them to color within the lines if it meant a mother who is not so often overwhlemed?
    god i hope there s not a line limit on these comments. haha.
    anyway, thanks for keeping it real and opening up
    the bonzai is a happy place. cause the people are kind and generous. but it s also real. no?

  • http://www.growingraw.com Growing Raw

    Part of coping with parenting is realising that nobody is perfect. Noone gets it right every time. You keep your son safe, happy, warm, well-fed and stimulated. You’re doing a good job. (And it is a job.)

  • Stunts and Shenanigans

    I’ve been lurking in the background but faithfully reading your blog each and every day. I can’t wait for it to pop up on my iPhone app. As a parent of an almost 2 year old and someone who is very interested in living a healthier lifestyle I find your information honest, refreshing and extremely helpful. Thank you! Today’s post hit the nail on the head and I FEEL YA! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only parent in the world of a wonderful small creature who fights those feelings of “Ack”. I know this isn’t true but these little bundles of joy can drive you nuts! My mantra is you can’t reason with toddlers and I can only control my reactions…….and sometimes I have to say that 1000 times a day. Hang in there and thanks for the great writing.

  • Sonja

    Sayward, I love that you were writting those open and honest words! And you are totally right because lots of blogger seem to be flawless and it’s hard when you compare yourself …

    My love list:

    1. Bike rides through crunchy autumn-leaves
    2. sleeping next to my loved one
    3. spontaneous parties with my flat-mates
    4. trying tempeh the first time
    5. my yoga class

  • http://www.tiedyefiles.com Kaitlyn@TheTieDyeFiles

    Thanks for your honesty, Sayward! It’s so important to remember that bloggers create their own images, and not to compare yourself to your on-screen perception of them. As you said, no one has their shit figured out. You clearly love Waits with all of your heart, and that’s what truly matters!

    So excited I don’t have to miss out on ‘nog! Have a great weekend :)

  • Jenny @ Simply be me

    I don’t think any one is expected to be perfect and I love that you’re not afraid to show it. The first time you mentioned the book Raising your Spirited Child on your blog I felt a huge sense of “phew, I’m not alone.” not only do I have a spirited toddler but he is also a Cancer (eek)
    I am a part time stay-at-home mom and I feel guilty every time I go to work. I always wonder why he can be so good natured for other people (my husband included) and then it seems like he is always testing me :) all that said, I wouldn’t change a thing because he is who he is and that’s what makes him special.

    Now for my love list! I only have one because it will come with so many other wonderful things: my mom is coming to visit tomorrow all the way from Nova Scotia (we live in BC) for two weeks!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1333971711 Melanie Connolly

    Thanks for today’s post – It’s wonderful! It really is easy to think a blogger has the “Practically Perfect” life. It’s nice to know your like us :) !!

    Love List:
    1. The snow that’s falling right now. It looks like a snowglobe outside my window.
    2. The heater -my husband finally agreed to put it on after I slept in socks and long jammies last night.
    3. Saturday – LOVE weekends!
    4. My family and kitties!!

  • Neko

    Sayward, can I just say I read this post and found myself nodding my head the entire time? I’m not a blogger, and therefore not “on display” to the internet, but I TOTALLY feel you. I have not one, but TWO spirited kids (ages 6 and 2) and while I love them, and they’re constantly amazing me, they are so.so.so demanding – both physically and mentally – on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like a major failure as a parent… you know, usually after I come back from a LLL meeting or a playgroup at the house of a mom who appears to have it all together. I lose my temper with my kids far more often than I’d like (pretty sure they get their “spirit” from their mother, heh) and I often find myself laying in bed after a long day and wishing I’d done things differently. I think it’s the curse of parenthood! Along with all of the joy and reward, there is also guilt… sometimes real, crushing guilt. We can’t possibly be perfect, but at the same time, we feel that our kids deserve all of that and more.

    In the end, we’re all imperfect and lately I’ve been trying to remind myself that perhaps it is a GOOD thing that our kids see that the adults in their lives have faults too, and what’s important is that we acknowledge them, apologize if we lose our cool and yell, explain that mommy has been having a rough day, etc. My 6 year old, in particular, has heard that talk a lot ;)

    Hope all of that makes sense. After all, I was up last night with a nursing toddler, and I’m sure you know how THAT goes :D

  • Neko

    Hm, not sure why it tried to turn part of my sentence above into a link, but disregard it!

  • Jmessier

    Dear Sayward. It’s funny but I am feeling out of sorts (I am a parent too; self-doubt, apathy towards my children and my mothering, bored, tired of constantly being interrupted by them, this tug and pull and release and fighting with myself; I’m in school and it’s hard to be art student one day and be present with my children for the weekend when sometimes I just want a day to make art within a quiet house and then other times I have a wonderful weekend with my girls and its hard for the next weekend to be able to measure up and then transition back to jumping through someone else’s hoops school competitive environment) So I thought I’d take a look at your website to cheer me up on this Santa Fe saturday. Thanks for your honesty. I think we should as mothers be able to admit that being a mama isn’t what we thought it would be, what mainstream society propagates too at us about what it is. Check out this month’s issue of Brain Child magazine, their website also lists an article that addresses this topic. I think it will pass these melencholi (spelling bad) feelings for more joyful, intentional feelings. I think too though that they are part of being a parent in our segregated from grandparents/family society. I also go back to the Apron Stringz lady about surrender that she blogged (and you mentioned). There’s also prayer. Hope our weekends have some laughter. Let’s try for it! Ha Ha Jenn

  • Wizardess9

    Waits is what, 2ish? Toddlerhood does get better. Developmentally, he’ll get interested in how to get along with others more as he cruises into 3 yr oldness. And around 4ish, look for him to give you some fashion advice…it’s usually pretty good!

  • Serra

    Oi! I’m Serra, I have recently completed in reading your blog from beginning to… now! It has been a HUGE inspiration to me, from the food to the family to the farming. Thanks so much for keeping at it, and I hope that you continue to do so!

  • Kate in SB

    Many people I know have had a rough year this year. Deaths in the family, illnesses, relationships failing, career setbacks,etc. It’s been tough! Of course there are a few friends having a great year, too. Life has its ups and downs and maybe the older we get the ups and downs are more steep.

    Glad you posted this. You can never go wrong with being true to yourself, and I think you’ll find a lot of support with your regular readers, even if it’s commiserating about the highs and lows of motherhood.

    BTW, you’re so brave for being an at-home mom. So when it gets really hard just know that you’re still a fucking superhero rockstar, because I know I couldn’t do what you do everyday. Seriously, you should wear a fucking cape.

    Love list:

    - Working really hard at my graduate research to get some good results, but then not getting great results, but then realizing the great results aren’t as important as the big picture… SOME improvement is better than NONE and knowing what the next steps are maybe more important.

    - My dad retiring from his job and being really excited about it. :)

    - My cat is soooo fucking cute lately. it is not. even. funny.

  • http://eerosa.wordpress.com erosan

    Well, it starts in november, so I’m mostly psyching myself up, because I want to try luck again.

  • Deirdre

    Sayward,
    From one mother to another, the challenges do get easier & relative and the beauty and wonder more beautiful and more wonderful.
    My kids are 7 and (almost) 10 (and I started this journey when I was just 21 and had no clue which end was up.) The old joke “there’s no manual to being a parent” and no two kids are the same… they’re certainly true as you well know, but it really is part of the journey figuring it out. What would there be without that element of not knowing how to do it all? (tough for us type-A’s, yes! but also thrive in a learning environment- so there is like an inner paradox with that.)
    What I’ve learned is to embrace both sides, the “ease” and the challenge and learn to nagivate whatever place you find myself in any given moment with skill, awareness and ultimately love. To deny the shadow-side (a term I’m afraid is about to get over-used) is as much a part of parenting as are the joys. I don’t know you at all, but I do love your blog and I think the very fact you acknowledge where you’re at is huge! You go mama!!!
    Lastly, your comment about blogging having a danger because bloggers can craft their image is so similar to what I remember learning about/protesting in the 90′s with the fashion magazine industry (killing us softly and all that.) To clarify, I think the danger lies in crafting the image then trying to actually live up to that instead of reality. Thoughts?
    From where I sit, you’re a pretty special person. Thank you for sharing so much with us readers!
    Deirdre

  • http://vegmomof4.blogspot.com/ April

    Being a parent is the most important job you will ever have. Expect to have a few bumps and detours along the way. From one Momma to another, you are doing a fantastic job. There is so much I want to tell you, but don’t feel comfortable posting publicly. Just keep your chin up, hug your little tyke close, and remember that these moments (the good and the bad) are finite. <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Samons/100000246484494 Alexander Samons

    Everyone seems to be giving you parenting advice but I will not because I do not have children and quite possibly never will so I will pass.
    1. College! Yes, still! We’re about half way through the semester and I still love it! I could do without my sucky English class but I’m doing good in a math class for the first time since about fifth grade, my stress class is laughably easy (though some of it really bothers me because I spend the whole class wanting to shout “Sources! Where are your sources? Your peer-reviewed, double-blind, published sources for this ridiculousness, let me see them!” but yeah) and my anthropology class i’s indescribably amazing even if it is a lot of work.
    2. Having lunch with that cute girl from stress class. Unfortunately it seems highly likely that she’s totally straight but she’s also really nice and funny and I don’t have any friends I see there so it’s good either way.
    3. My sister is going to roast an acorn squash for me. No idea what I will do with the roasted squashy goodness but I’ll think of something!
    Um, that is all for now.
    P.s. Waits is cute, you are awesome, and I’m sure you’re doing fine even if I don’t know much about kids.

  • Rachel Fesperman

    Hiya Sayward. I’m Rachel. Been reading your bloggy blog for a while now and I love it. Here’s my love list.

    -my beautiful girlfriend
    -the cat currently snuggled at the foot of my bed
    -kale
    -the cutest ugly pumpkin ever that I bought at the farmer’s market :)

    also, made almond milk with your recipe! Thanks for sharing something I’ve always wanted to do but never had the guts to do myself. You gave me the nudge I needed to try it!

  • Melisa

    My husband will be doing NaNoWriMo for the second time and I’m very excited for him, and for you! :)

  • Melisa

    Thanx, Corcorhe, for asking such a great question. That list of staples is quite helpful to me, too. And I noticed I was suddenly wanting to eat ALL THE TIME (after going from vegetarian to vegan) and I wondered if that was normal. I recently discover Peas and Thank You, and that gal is hilarious and her recipes look GREAT.

  • http://twitter.com/keephealthstyle Laura Agar Wilson

    I think its really important for bloggers to share when they are having struggles, we are all real people after all, and I for one appreciate it, more often than not I think it makes people much easier to relate to. Hope your having a great weekend, insanely jealous of that coconut milk!

  • http://twitter.com/keephealthstyle Laura Agar Wilson

    I think its really important for bloggers to share when they are having struggles, we are all real people after all, and I for one appreciate it, more often than not I think it makes people much easier to relate to. Hope your having a great weekend, insanely jealous of that coconut milk!

  • Rebecca

    Trust me, I am sure you are not missing the “parenting gene” by any stretch of the imagination. I have always been a “mom-type” (whatever that is..but I think you get what I mean) and have always enjoyed the company of many, varied children. However, I can say that as much as I love taking care of kids and soaking up all of their amazing qualities—they are exhausting and push the limits of my patience. And keep in mind—I only have the kids for part of the day!!! I get to “give them back” at the end of the day and sometimes I still feel as if I have been through a battle zone.

    So, not to worry—although I definitely have baby-fever, I am also totally and completely terrified that once that kid is there 24/7 I will absolutely not be able to handle it and freak out (I am someone who needs LOTS of alone time…which is not exactly easy to come by with a kid!)

    Also, I talk with tons of parents as I have cared for many families in my day and, trust me, no one thinks they are doing “it” right. Everyone seems to just try and not screw their kid up *too* much—ha ha. Seriously though, although I don’t personally know you, from what I see on your website (your obvious dedication to bettering yourself, your family, the environment, and the community at large) I am sure you are exactly what Waits needs and loves. It is *never* about being perfect. What’s important is constructively looking at what is working and what is not, making changes, re-assessing, and then doing it all over again. And, most importantly, patting ourselves on the back when we learn from our experiences. So start patting!

    Hmmm….#1 this week will have to be the new metalsmithing class I just started. Having been an art major (along with several other majors!) in college, I realized my “adult life” has really put creating on the back burner. Although creativity always sneaks into my day in some way, the process of really getting my hands dirty and getting lost in a project, is something I have been missing. It totally feeds my soul. So, although shelling out money I don’t really have was tough (and an A.M. class makes me groan) I think this will be a good thing for me to dabble in.

    #2
    Having the 5-year old I babysit for present me with a new drawing/painting (or even glittered and thumb-tacked candle!) every single time I pick her up from kindergarten. Also, when she crawls into my lap when reading a book to her—and even wrapping her whole body around my leg because she doesn’t want me to go. As a person who always feels like no one likes me, I can’t tell you how much I love that. Also, man—it is like a 180 from last year with her (she couldn’t push me out the door fast enough last year!). Love it. (Oh yeah, and when she is excited…particularly for watermelon ; ) she does this little jig on one foot. I can’t tell you how much it cracks me up).

    #3
    Ok…this is definitely NOT a love, but I will pretend it is so that maybe it won’t bug me quite so much: 12+ inches of snow.in October.with degrees in the teens. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some snow—but in the appropriate season please! There are plenty of months for snow—give me my fall back!

    #4
    Pumpkin pie with spiced crust…and little pie crust cut-outs (in fall shapes) adorning the top! Baking with kids isn’t a piece of cake (or pie!), especially for a type-A such as myself, but their excitement looking in the oven and having a pie that came out pretty decent (despite high-altitudes) was pretty awesome.

  • Rebecca

    Trust me, I am sure you are not missing the “parenting gene” by any stretch of the imagination. I have always been a “mom-type” (whatever that is..but I think you get what I mean) and have always enjoyed the company of many, varied children. However, I can say that as much as I love taking care of kids and soaking up all of their amazing qualities—they are exhausting and push the limits of my patience. And keep in mind—I only have the kids for part of the day!!! I get to “give them back” at the end of the day and sometimes I still feel as if I have been through a battle zone.

    So, not to worry—although I definitely have baby-fever, I am also totally and completely terrified that once that kid is there 24/7 I will absolutely not be able to handle it and freak out (I am someone who needs LOTS of alone time…which is not exactly easy to come by with a kid!)

    Also, I talk with tons of parents as I have cared for many families in my day and, trust me, no one thinks they are doing “it” right. Everyone seems to just try and not screw their kid up *too* much—ha ha. Seriously though, although I don’t personally know you, from what I see on your website (your obvious dedication to bettering yourself, your family, the environment, and the community at large) I am sure you are exactly what Waits needs and loves. It is *never* about being perfect. What’s important is constructively looking at what is working and what is not, making changes, re-assessing, and then doing it all over again. And, most importantly, patting ourselves on the back when we learn from our experiences. So start patting!

    Hmmm….#1 this week will have to be the new metalsmithing class I just started. Having been an art major (along with several other majors!) in college, I realized my “adult life” has really put creating on the back burner. Although creativity always sneaks into my day in some way, the process of really getting my hands dirty and getting lost in a project, is something I have been missing. It totally feeds my soul. So, although shelling out money I don’t really have was tough (and an A.M. class makes me groan) I think this will be a good thing for me to dabble in.

    #2
    Having the 5-year old I babysit for present me with a new drawing/painting (or even glittered and thumb-tacked candle!) every single time I pick her up from kindergarten. Also, when she crawls into my lap when reading a book to her—and even wrapping her whole body around my leg because she doesn’t want me to go. As a person who always feels like no one likes me, I can’t tell you how much I love that. Also, man—it is like a 180 from last year with her (she couldn’t push me out the door fast enough last year!). Love it. (Oh yeah, and when she is excited…particularly for watermelon ; ) she does this little jig on one foot. I can’t tell you how much it cracks me up).

    #3
    Ok…this is definitely NOT a love, but I will pretend it is so that maybe it won’t bug me quite so much: 12+ inches of snow.in October.with degrees in the teens. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some snow—but in the appropriate season please! There are plenty of months for snow—give me my fall back!

    #4
    Pumpkin pie with spiced crust…and little pie crust cut-outs (in fall shapes) adorning the top! Baking with kids isn’t a piece of cake (or pie!), especially for a type-A such as myself, but their excitement looking in the oven and having a pie that came out pretty decent (despite high-altitudes) was pretty awesome.