Hoo-boy! And so it begins. I’ll probably keep this short, because I do NOT feel very well right now.
It’s a shame, too, because last night I was feeling so good. I had a lovely last meal of a homemade burrito, delicious molasses cookies, and icy IPA. I read an inspiring book, chatted with friends, and stayed up a little too late just for fun. I even scrawled the opening line of the Iliad across my bathroom mirror to serve as inspiration on this journey (that’s Tom Waits in the corner, but he always lives there). And so, I went to bed feeling so positive about this.
And then I woke up. Almost immediately, I felt cloaked in negative thoughts, so much that I wanted to cry. Instead, I pulled myself out of bed and prepared my first SWF, all the while trying to figure out where all that sadness was coming from.
One of the most enduring outcomes of my last cleanse was working through all the emotions that came up. When people talk about releasing toxins, it’s not just the physical they’re referring to. A lot of deeply buried, unexpected emotional distress can surface in this process. It’s so healthy to work through that baggage, face it, and let it fall away. But you sort of have to go through hell in order to get there.
Today I just felt burdened. I was able to get my stuff done – I exercised for the first time in 10 days (we’ve had a lot of house guests), I walked the dogs and ran some errands and did some writing. But I’ve been carrying a splitting caffeine headache with me all day, and it pretty much prevented me from getting any actual work done. I kept napping just trying to escape it. When the headache subsides, I’ll be free to dig in to this melancholy. Until then: deep breathing, turning inward, moving forward.
So far today no fuzzy tongue or teeth. One small BM. Quite a few thoughts of food, but nothing I’d call a craving and no real hunger at all. Just the unconscious thought surfacing “I should eat black beans”, and the conscious response “Nope.”
Okay, nappie time again. Love to you all, and the best of luck!