Thank You, You Guys Are The Best. Also, Some Thoughts On “Authenticity & Asking”

April 20th, 2016 - filed under: Furthermore » Feedback


Hi guys, coming back to you from my iPhone here. Phone blogging is actually kinda cool – I think I’ll keep it up even after I get this computer mess all sorted out.

And speaking of computer messes … Firstly, I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you guys so much for the kind and supportive words, for the encouragement and the commiseration and the virtual *hugs* (of which there were many, and much appreciated, every single one). I know I’ve been very up and down lately – well mostly down – and I can’t tell you how much it means to me that I’m able to be honest about that. Vulnerability is terrifying. But it’s also, as I’m finding, something that unites us. So many of us feel vulnerable and scared and for some reason right now, this year or this season or this economic period or this astral alignment or whatever it is that’s causing it, well something is going on in a big sort of way. Almost all of the sensitive people that I know, both in real life and online, are struggling. And so many of you have reached out to share that you’re struggling too, or reached out to express how comforting it is to read that somebody else is going through the same thing right now. So yes. There’s a lot of us that feel vulnerable and overwhelmed and maybe a little beat down by life. But those feelings can lead us to finding each other, our community, our sensitive soul tribe of like-minded green-living justice-seeking Love Warriors. Hello there! The gangs all here. ♥

But not every one of you out there is down-and-out. Quite a few of you are through the abyss, on the other side, wiser and stronger and willing to look back and share your wisdom. I appreciate that so much. I’ve received such kindness and such inspiration from those of you who have dealt with depression and conquered it, who have taken on a new business or freelance career and have achieved financial freedom, who have found a way to keep dreaming BIG despite the onslaught of BS that life likes to throw in our paths again and again and again. You guys are awesome. Thank you.

But also, I can’t take your money. Yes, many of you suggested that I set up a donor page or a GoFundMe or something like that, so that readers could contribute to helping me buy a new computer. It was so incredibly sweet and unexpected. And I completely understand that it’s coming from a sincere and loving place. You guys are good people. Generous people. And the fact that this community is made of YOU – of those kinds of people – well that means absolutely everything to me.

Which is why I can’t take you up on your generous offers. Because I don’t want to tarnish the relationship that we have with each other here.

I really love that I’m able to come to this blog and be authentic. That I can come here and rejoice when things are great, and that I can come here and spill my guts when things are hard. But if I came here and spilled my guts, and that gut-spilling led directly to financial contributions from you guys, well it seems like it could be a very slippery slope to a very different kind of relationship. It seems like it could start to feel like I was complaining in order to garner sympathy. And then you might feel manipulated. And I’m not willing to give up being able to come here and say “OMG YOU GUYS LIFE IS HARD AND I’M SAD!” If money entered the picture, it wouldn’t ever feel like pure authenticity, I think. At least I worry that it wouldn’t, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take. This space, this community, and the relationship we all have here, is waaaaay too important to me.

But truly, from the bottom of my heart, please know that the offer means so much to me. And actually, there will be times in the future that I *do* ask you for financial support, for new projects. I’ll just make sure that those are kept completely separated from my more emotionally honest posts. That’s how I feel comfortable, and I hope you understand. I hope that makes sense!

Anyway, thank you all so much. You really are the best and I’m so grateful to have you all. Thanks for always being awesome.

  • Alexa Jones

    I have such respect for you, Sayward. I’ve been reading your blog for years and there’s a genuineness and authenticity that is unparalleled in blog land. I’m a meat eater but have tried many of your recipes and LOVE them (that coconut lentil soup is a staple.) I love the weegan lunchboxes on instagram. I love your garden and your pics of SB (land locked Minnesotan here). I love your love for your pets and your modern family (doting step mom here with no plans of procreating myself.) My favorite entries are these. These personal ones. I’ve also had a really hard year and find myself at a very vulnerable place that in the end has left me open for a lot of growth (and growing up) (which is funny to admit as a 35 year old.) I identify with so much of what you write. How you respond to everything, how you share yourself to us, is SO inspiring. You radiate integrity and light (even when you feel down, I swear) and I just really appreciate it, in this world where there is so much darkness. Anyway, I’m a big fan, and I will gladly contribute when the time is right!

  • Jackie

    Sayward, you are wonderful, and I hope you never stop blogging.

  • stephie137

    You are a classy lady.

  • lysette

    <3 <3 <3 I'll be happy to support you when you ask. Til then stay connected, don't give up. It is a weird/hard time right now for us open hearts to stay open xo

  • Lacy Davis

    You’re a good (vegan) egg, lady! thanks for continued thoughtfulness.

  • Lina

    Have you read Amanda Palmer’s book or not?! TAKE THE FUCKING DONUTS! But, really, whatever you feel comfortable with. I will bombard you with virtual hugs and supportive little nudges instead. + Know that you are helping me handle my black hole by writing about yours. You are the best, Sayward! :D <3

  • Julie

    Sayward, with all the stuff you have going on, is it possible that what you’re dealing with is burnout, not necessarily depression? They often look the same but they are not. (Or, they are on a continuum, but there are differences.) Just asking because I am dealing with burnout and the fantasy of running away is the thing that gets me out of bed most mornings. Otherwise, I’d just stay in bed.

    Also, I agree with Lina: Take the fucking donuts!

  • VeggieNextDoor

    I love your thoughts on not asking for money – yes, it can certainly change things or make them feel funny if not done right. One thing maybe we can do to help – are you signed up for the Amazon Affiliates program? If I understand correctly, even if we don’t buy items from your Amazon Store, if we click on them before ordering something else, you’d get a %, right? I hope so at least, I’ve been clicking your links before shopping and hope it’s working!

  • Angie

    I would be honored to support you in some way, as I feel you have contributed greatly to the vegan, feminist, parenting, etc. community that I benefit from, however, I truly respect your decision to not go that route.