Warning: long post ahead! :)

I’m really glad that people are talking honestly about the phenomenon of ex-vegans, but I think there’s an important element missing from many of the conversations around this issue. I’ve been vegan for 17 years, and to me, the elephant in the room with regard to ex-vegans is the vegan-on-vegan bashing and shaming that seems to have developed in recent years, which has deterred many people from this lifestyle. I am vegan for the animals, and will always be that way, but there are times when I’ve struggled to remain associated with veganism because of the bullying and hate that’s rampant in the online vegan community.

I’ve been told that I’m not a “proper” vegan because I sometimes drink soda, or eat processed vegan food, or eat at restaurants where meat is served. When our community is placing such absurd standards on one another, there are obviously going to be casualties – who could possibly live up to all these expectations? It takes a strong person to cope with all the snarkiness and bitching, and for a new vegan who’s still trying to find their feet, I imagine it’s enough to make people run screaming for the hills! And when they do, we make comments like “they were never really vegan in the first place”, and wish horrible fates upon them, instead of trying to understand how the actions of some members of the vegan community might have contributed to their decision.

We need to remember, as a community, that veganism is not about gradually cutting out every food group until we’re left munching on lettuce and bananas, shaming fellow herbivores for their choices, or trying to outdo one another with pretty pictures on Instagram. It’s about consciously making a choice to abstain from causing suffering to all living beings, which should surely include other humans. Maybe if we were more mindful of that, we’d be a bit nicer to one another!

Lovely post, and your last paragraph brought joyful tears to my eyes. Just beautiful!

Love it – Thank you for all these links. I also think we need to be gracious as many of us experimented with veganism off and on before we went at it full force. I was vegan for a week in high school until I went to give blood and the nurse said my iron was too low. I doubt this was from being vegan for a week but I took it as “I must eat meat!” (Now I’m on to the molasses trick.) One of my coworkers who has been pretty rude to me about my veganism admitted the other day that she tried going vegan but her family gave her a really hard time and she quit after only a day. Ex-vegans are a complex topic and I’m glad you’re taking it on!

thanks for being brave and opening this up.

People who make judgements like that are just shit heads. Not vegan enough?! give me a break. You’re okay with me, Sarah!

That’s so mean! You were obviously going through a really difficult time, and attacking you at that point in your life is just horrible. I think it’s great that Sayward is exploring this topic, to try to help and inform people who fail to thrive for whatever reason, rather than hurting and alienating them. Glad you’re feeling better now!

Thank you so much for sharing, Lacy – I tried veganism out in that whole “maybe this will fix my chronic illnesses oh god?!” way, and lo, fiber was my nemesis. But your story gives me hope that maybe I can cut transition back to eating vegan protein! Sprout ALL the things! And I’m sorry that you got lambasted for doing what was best for your body… How mean! :/ Looking forward to reading the full post on your blog!

Outstanding idea for a new site! Here’s little something I wrote on the subject last year: http://www.vegblog.org/archive/2013/03/22/more-on-ex-vegans/

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this, Sarah. I agree with so much of what you’ve said here. I actually read your comment right as we were leaving for our beach walk this morning, so I brought it up with Jeremy. He’s also been vegan for 17 years and is vegan for the animals. I asked him if he feels like the attitude of vegans – and the vegan-on-vegan bashing – has increased in recent years. He suggested that that’s more a side-effect of Internet culture, and how it’s so easy these days to play holier-than-thou behind a computer screen. People do that all over the Internet in all sorts of communities, not just vegans. (crunchy mommies trying to out-progressive each other are the worst, OMG)

Anyway, he says way back in the day there were just as many snobby vegans – maybe even more since the “club” was smaller and more elite. But that now there’s just this huge platform in the Internet, where people can play “caught ya!” and feel superior behind their screens.

It was an interesting discussion and something that fascinates me (the history of the movement and how attitudes have changed through time) but regardless of whether vegan elitism is increasing or decreasing, the bottom line is that I couldn’t agree with you more. Judgmental vegans are a HUGE part of the problem, and something we really need to work to change.

Thank you so much for speaking up!

Yes, please make it a book!

Thank you for all of the links!! So much to read but all great information!! And I really liked reading through the comments below….. I think Sarah is right – your blog is where all of the nice vegans hangout:) We should all be motivating/Supportive towards one another not degrading. I know that sounds cheesy but why would anyone want to be apart of a community where they would feel judged? Def. not me!!

So poignant and a great reminder that everyone, everywhere, including vegans, may be going through a process (be it facing a health crisis or existential-lol) and judgment doesn’t serve the situation– really a good outlook on life issues in general. That being said, long ago, when I was just a wee teen, (also 17 yrs ago, is that a magic number or what?!) I remember a joke about super (judgy) vegans– they wouldn’t eat anything that cast a shadow, so a lichen diet only. I guess, having a sense of humor about it can be a good thing.

One thing related/unrelated that spoke to me was your struggle with cholesterol and protein. I’d LOVE to read, hear more about that specifically.

As always, thank you Seyward for being so stubbornly awesome in your pursuit of justice for animals and health for all.

I’m not kidding when I say that video is one of the most important ones I’ve seen for vegans in a really long time – sad about the sound issues. An ex and current vegan myself I think what is said here is critical if we want our movement to grow and evolve. Its easy to critize harder to empathize and understand. Maybe if we did we’d have more ex-ex vegans.

It sounds like your seven year old is more mature than those adults.

There is so much I wish I could say to you. I simply don’t have the words to express myself in that manner. You are amazing. As a non-vegan I find so much of what you post here, and what you stand for so incredibly inspiring. I continuously learn so much from you and I just want to thank you so much for just being here, and writing about all these things, these hard, beautiful things. Thank you.

Thank you Lindsey! ♥

Girl, I worry and wonder about this as well. So much! I mean, I am 99% certain that Waits will eat non-vegan food some day, when the choice is his. Whether or not he will end up deciding to be an adult vegan I cannot say, and only time will tell. But whether he will “fall off the bandwagon”? Well that’s just almost certain. He is a born rebel, it’s his default mode! Haha. He will be curious and he will try it, in the same way that I tried ALL the “naughty” stuff when was young and wild and rebellious (as opposed to now, when I’m old and wild and rebellious, haha). Anyway, I will shank anyone who tries to either 1) shame him for being vegan OR 2) shame him for experimenting outside of veganism. NO SHAMING. Period.

I really look forward to reading your piece about this, Lacy. Will you share it with me when it’s written? These personal stories are SO important.

Ha! Oh grad students, the best procrastinators! (I speak from experience!)

YES! Blake, please email me info AT bonzaiaphrodite DOT com

Matt and I are actually in contact with another sociologist who’s been studying ex-vegans for a few years now. Would love to put you in touch with her as well. Email me!

We are definitely talking about it! ;-)

Thanks Lysette!

Hi Jessica, I talk a lot about the protein issue in my interview with Eco-Vegan Gal. It’s a long recording – over 2 hours – but the protein issue comes up over and over throughout so it’s worth a listen, I think. I actually mention it so much that I get called out on the topic by one of the viewers. Which is great, because it gives me an opportunity to address the protein myth directly. You can watch just that part at 1:27:25

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZXYjF0bOr0

Hope that helps!

Thank you so much!

I’d love to know more about what you did to improve your cholesterol and protein levels, foods, etc. and how that might relate to/support your women’s monthly and PMS, if that was an issue, and/or hormones in general. (That may be a post for the gals only!) I’ve found in the health community there is very little discussed in terms of how diet affects female hormones/mood/etc. I feel the two are intrinsically linked and would love to know more about others’ experiences in that area, what has worked, not worked, etc.

Thanks again!