Last weekend Waits and I embarked on an annual adventure, a journey up to Shasta county to visit my brother and his family. We traveled with my Dad this time, and we all stayed in the same cabin we stay in every year, where we’ve stayed every year since before Waits was born. And when that door first swung open and revealed the interior – old worn wooden floors and maps on the walls, the door that leads to the deck right over the river, and that same silly candle with Barack Obama’s face on it – I thought to myself “we’re home”, because it’s all just so familiar.
Except not. We were there last year, Waits and I, and Damian too. I wrote about it here, do you remember? There was a boat ride and cousins playing and a harrowing kitten rescue. And I read Bright Sided, which started this whole shake-up. And oh yeah, I was still married.
A lot can happen in a year.
It was a good place to think about the things that I need to write about here, right now, as I sit down to write this post. I spent the weekend thinking about where I’m going and how I might be able to get there. I thought a lot about this blog, and how everything fits together.
This has been a year of incredible transition, in some very literal ways – like divorce and a big move – but also in some of the less tangible, less tractable ways. As I’ve said before, I’m not the same person I was when I started writing here, when I set out to build this community. Back then I was a newlywed, not yet a mother, an aspiring writer, an enthusiastic fledgling vegan, an avowed and veteran environmentalist, and perhaps, maybe if we’re being completely honest, also leaning towards some slightly orthorexic tendencies (or maybe those came later – blogging about food can mess with your head). Sort of wholesome too, in my own combat boots kind of way, I think.
My life looks so much different now. As a single mom, trying to build a viable career that will support me and my son, living more authentically, probably less wholesome, and with a much, much different idea of what it means to practice “healthy living”. I’ll write about that at length some day, but suffice it to say I wonder now if we’re still on the same page here, you and I. Sometimes I wonder if what I want to give you, will give you what you want. If that makes sense?
Also money, what’s up with that?
I don’t really talk about it, nobody want to talk about it. But I think about it all the time, it is the primary, almost paralyzing source of stress in my life. I make very little of it. I am fortunate – my gawd I am constantly and acutely aware of my privilege – to have help right now, but that has a time limit. As it should.
So the thing is that I need to make money, and this little blog ‘o mine, this little labor of love, is just not doing it. Which is okay, the blog pulls its own weight in countless other ways (hello, community!), but right now my priority needs to be on building something I can put in the bank.
So I need to spend less time on the blog. I’m not leaving! Oh no, you can’t get rid of me that easily. Plus, you know, I do so love it here. No no, I’m just trimming back. Right now I post 3 times per week, plus the Sunday Morning Cocktail series I’m running this summer. You maybe don’t know how much time and energy that takes, but it’s a boatload. So moving forward, I’ll only be posting once per week (plus Sunday’s cocktail for the duration of summer, since I promised!).
I hope you understand, and I hope you’ll still enjoy my less frequent, but still chock full of heart and soul and fun, blog offerings.
As a bit of an aside, I am really over the hustle of freelance and I’m actively seeking full-time employment. If you happen to know of an open position involving writing, blogging, content management, social media and marketing, promotion, or pretty much anything related to vegan/vegan companies/vegan nonprofits or environmentalism/green companies or nonprofits, where telecommuting is an option, please think of me! I really just want to do work that feels meaningful, that’s my main priority. So if you hear of anything, send it my way.
Alright guys, see you around the Internet!
♥ ♥ ♥
Oh! And since it’s Friday, how about a Love List? Please share yours in the comments!
making myself get up off my ass and live a little, in an immediately-uncomfortable-but-ultimately-very-rewarding type of way .|. photo booth pictures + their memories .|. my growing houseplant collection .|. getting clear on my priorities, feeling really good about where I’m going .|. new Vegan Lifestyle Coaching clients! Having great consults and feeling excited and inspired to work with new folks making real changes .|. salads. definitely back on salads .|. long work days, troubleshooting, success! .|. deadlines. I like a little pressure .|. an important talk with Damian; the fact that we have a loving relationship and can have that kind of talk .|. teaching Waits about where water goes when it washes down the drain. him trying to say “Sewage Treatment Facility” was hysterical and adorable all wrapped up in god-I-love-him .|. seeing Waits play with his cousins, seeing him get so excited about spending time with them .|. being able to write this post, understanding how much I have to be grateful for, appreciating my place in this grand ol’ scheme of things (even if I don’t always understand that place) . . .