Sitting here trying to write this post, it’s difficult for me to find the right words — because I’m not sure there are “right words” — to express that impossible-yet-totally-predictable-and-average phenomenon of your baby becoming not a baby. Like, not a baby at all.

Recently Waits informed me that he has a “crush” on a girl, and this crush is mutual, and they’re actively planning the wedding.

Tonight while we were grabbing pizza, my cell phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. I answered the phone and a boy’s voice piped up, “Hi, is this Waits’s mom?”

“Uh, yes, yes it is.”

“Cool, can I please talk to Waits?”

I didn’t really know what to do so I handed the phone to Waits, and then sat and watched, mouth slightly agape, as my *baby* casually leaned back at the table in the pizza parlor, just chatting away, like “Oh dude, you moved back to town? That’s awesome! So what are you into these days?” . . . “Oh yeah, we should totally set up a play date. But I’m not available next weekend. Maybe the weekend after that?”

Oh, my heart. He’s so big! And it’s so surreal.

But despite my white knuckles gripping the railings of this life, despite my heart pounding out a drumbeat designed to knock him off his feet and back into my arms, despite my breathe caught in my throat at the sight of him spreading his wings so fully and leaping face first into the world . . . despite all that, my goodness I’m just so proud of him. And happy for him.

What a special human being he is becoming. Waits is as big and as bold as he’s ever been, but he’s also growing into his tenderness. He’s the one at school who stops the game to make sure everyone’s being included. The one who wants to make ammends if feelings are hurt, and the one who always checks in.

He makes my heart full, and I wanted to show him just how much I love him on his very very big boy birthday. With a cake fit for the biggest and bestest. A chocolate cake. A chocolate strawberry oreo cake! My first attempt at a layer cake (gulp!)

It was a small party. Waits plus 6 friends — 3 boys and 3 girls, I couldn’t help but notice, and appreciate that he hasn’t felt the pressure to gender-segragate like so many of his peers already have. Thank goodness for that.

And me and Jeremy, and Damian and Danielle.

And I just kept looking around the party, at this small group of children, and thinking, “Man, this is a *really* amazing group of kids!”

These kids. Waits has done well selecting his friends. They are a raucous crew of untamed creatures, every one of them. Strong and smart and fiercely individual. I love them all and I’m so grateful that they love Waits.

It was just an afternoon, just a few people in a park for a few hours. But it was also everything. You know that moment when you feel your child full to the top with joy? That’s the best feeling.

Just a few friends. Just a scavenger hunt. Just a chocolate strawberry oreo cake. And also everything.

Kids “Vegans: Off The Meat” tee by Beet x Beet.

OKAY I’ll stop with the purple prose. I know, I know. It’s just that I only have one, ya know? And it’s all happening very fast, it seems, these days. And I have allll the feeeeeelings.

*sigh*

And since I know you’ll ask (I don’t blame you), The Cake!

The chocolate cake is this recipe by Chef Chloe Coscarelli. She’s pretty amazing and worth supporting if you’re in the market for vegan cookbooks — she has this one that’s all desserts, plus a few savory books as well.

For the buttercream I mixed 1 part vegan butter with 1 part vegan shortening, plus 5-6 cups powdered sugar and a few teaspoons of vanilla. I used this as the center filling, studded with fresh strawberries.

Then I pulsed oreo-style cookies in the food processor until finely crumbled, and folded this into the buttercream. I used that to frost the entire outside, then decorated the top with strawberry quarters and shards of cookie.

Eight years old. It’s hard to believe how far we’ve come together. And I wish I could say “. . . and I can’t wait to see how far we go.”

But I can wait. I can wait, little boy. Just a little longer.

♥

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Tags: baking, dessert

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