It’s sometimes difficult to balance this blog, which is my passion, with other aspects of my life – namely earning income. It goes without saying that my family comes first, and mothering/partnering will be my number one priority. If only this blog could always be number two!

In the past I’ve been open about my ambition to monetize BA. It’s not my driving purpose here (of course), but I sure wouldn’t shy away from it. Every dollar required to live my life is time taken away from this space. If BA could do a bit to earn its keep, that would change a lot. And becoming a mommy has made my time more precious than ever. Sometimes I find myself asking a very difficult question: is blogging like this really sustainable for me?

I firmly believe in NPR (National Public Radio), PBS (the Public Broadcasting Service), and CSAs (community supported agrigulture), which is why I’ve been operating under a model I call USB – User Supported Blogging. That means that I’ve eschewed advertising dollars and instead relied on contributions from my readers (via my wishlist and the tip jar → ). I am so incredibly grateful for every gift I’ve received, but the undeniable truth is that donations won’t really bridge that financial gap.

Right now I work for my $crilla and I blog for love, and those two investments become competing factions in the ”War On Sayward’s Time”. And since family always come first, and since the sad truth is I do *need* to make money, in the end it’s the blog that suffers.

My ultimate dream is to someday marry my income obligations to that which brings me true joy. In other words, I’d love Bonzai Aphrodite to become lucrative, so that I could channel all of my extra energy right here. I have such Big Dreams and Grand Plans (yes capitals!) for this project, if only I could devote the time!

I’m not trying to get rich. I don’t make much money right now and I don’t need that much to maintain my lifestyle. But, well, a girl’s gotta eat. (And this girl’s gotta eat organic!) Life costs money, and I do need some.

So here’s where I would love some input. I’m decidedly disinterested in hosting advertisements, but I have been considering ’sponsorship’. Essentially, featuring a company whose product and ethics I can completely get behind.

Do you see a distinction between advertisers and sponsors? Do you think allowing sponsorship would compromise the integrity of the site? (Or conversely, would you appreciate being exposed to responsible, green businesses?)

I’ve also considered other avenues of income via BA, such as selling quality merchandise like tees and totes. (Which, personally, I think could be so fun!) How would you feel if I offered BA-inspired garments and goodies? Would you be interested in buying them, or do you feel like our relationship would change if I were “selling something”?

My integrity is more important to me than anything. I always want you to trust that I’m operating above board and in honor of the principles I advocate. So I put it to you, my readers, my community, my ’shareholders’ – what do you think?

This meeting is now called to order . . .

But this year – this year was a true celebration! And would you believe that the cake up there is entirely RAW vegan?! It’s true – I made it myself!





No, this year there was no morning sickness. Instead we took our gorgeous little veg baby on a fabulous vegan picnic in the park. It was one of those magical days, Waits was all smiles and the weather was perfect and the conversation flowed so easily. Simpatico. Damian and I had the most amazing talk, the kind that leaves you feeling so fulfilled – challenged and heard and hopeful.

Our discussion ranged all over the map, but one central them was, of course, veganism. We spent a lot of time musing on our own, personal understanding of our veg*nism, which is quite different for the two of us. I love this sort of reflection because, at least for me, my relationship with my veg*nism is totally dynamic. It changes, it’s always changing, as I come across new information or reconcile ethical disparities or challenge myself to confront a difficult idea. I am definitely not the same veg*n that I was 2 years ago!

‘Buckwheaties’ gRAW-nola with fresh fruit and coconut water.

Orange chocolate cheesecake with coconut snow. Mmm yes I totally ate dessert for brunch. You get to do that when it’s RAW!

Over the past few months my diet has gone through another transformation. I’ve been so incredibly inspired surrounding food, in the realms of both flavor and nutrition. I’m completely in love with what’s around me – uncomplicated, fresh, seasonal produce in simple preparations. And simultaneously I’ve been furiously studying health and wellness, applying what I’ve learned in the ancient tradition of ‘food as medicine’.

I’m the happiest little witch in my kitchen, concocting the most delicious and nutritious magical creations. And, I feel so good.





But veg*nism isn’t just about food – there’s no such thing as a ‘dietary vegan’ (no one stops buying wool to lose weight, or skips the circus for their health). This is a lifestyle, and it impacts every aspect of living. Sometimes I forget how I used to be, all balled up and stressed out, carrying so much anxiety and angst. This weekend I remembered the gift that veg*nism gave to me – permission to relax into a more peaceful existence. Living each day with my actions reflecting my belief in compassion, unconflicted.





I’m certainly not perfect and I’m still working on figuring all this out. You’ll notice that I try to refer to my own lifestyle as ‘veg*n’ as opposed to ‘vegan’. It’s just that I’d rather not argue about the minutia, and so I’m more comfortable this way. I have mad respect for those who, for example, will trade in all their old leather as soon as they go vegan. But that’s not where I’m at – and I think that’s okay!

It’s a journey, to find our own truth, and then to actually live it. That’s the hard part of course – to be honest with ourselves, and then to live up to that. So, my veg*nism is a beautiful tool for me. A tool that keeps me thinking, and growing, and striving to be the best version of myself.

Plus, you know, look what I get to eat!





So happy Veganniversary, and here’s to many, many more!

AND HELLO SPRING!!!

This past Saturday, March 20th, was the vernal equinox that marks the first day of spring – and you better believe I was thinking of you guys on that day! I’m still technically on maternity leave, but I wanted to ‘come out of hibernation’, as it were, (how season-appropriate!) to acknowledge the passing of another winter. And to celebrate!

A very happy and very tired new mama, haha.

Here in Portland the first day of spring coincided with the first day of the 2010 Farmer’s Market. There was no way I was going to miss that! So we ventured forth – my husband, my son, my father, and I – for Waits’ very first outing (and first of *many* Farmer’s Markets, I’m sure)

And I know I’ve confessed to being a freaky autumn lover, but I gotta say: there’s nothing quite like a little sunny lovin’ after a long winter. So I’ve put together another love list, of things that make me excited for springtime!

My wee sunbather, the next generation of farm-fresh-food enthusiasts.

Why I <3 Spring

• BEING OUTSIDE! After 10 weeks of bed rest, birth, and then these quiet postpartum days, I’m so looking forward to getting out and being active!
• Walking my sweet boydogs. I’ve so missed my daily neighborhood meandering. Now I’ll be roving with the little one strapped to my chest, and it’ll feel so great to get back into shape!
• Garden Season! Oh, but of course. My plate is pretty full and I’ll have to scale back my ambitions this year, but that won’t stop me from getting my hands as dirty as possible. I’m planning a bigger and better patio herb garden, and I’ll be filling my planter boxes with tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes (lordy I’m ready for good tomatoes again!)
• Getting my vitamin D direct from the source.
• Backyard makeovers! While I may not be gardening as much this year, Damian and I have grand plans for a complete landscaping overhaul. It will be Damian’s next big project, and it’s going to be RAD.
• Sweet sexy sundresses. Unpacking my warm weather wardrobe, and hiding away all the coats and scarves. Bare legs and sandals and the delicious smell of sunscreen (which, to my mind, means grand adventures). Wearing light-as-air cotton, and glittery flip-flops, and . . . my son! =)
• Last Thursday, and First Thursday, and all the other magnificent art culture that Portland has to offer. My son and I will be making the rounds, to be sure.
• Foodie season! Oh man, I do love soups and hearty winter fare, but I’m so ready for FRESH veggies, RAW meals, and all the delicious VARIETY that we get this time of year. Asparagus, artichokes, berries (!!!), oh my. Can. Not. Wait.
• Making sun tea! With fresh mint, grown in my own yard.
• Nature. Playing at the river, hiking in the gorge, exploring the arboretum, and more more more!
• Green smoothies for breakfast. Eating really, really healthy.
• And mostly, taking the time to smell those fresh spring blooms, to slow down and really look around, to love on my new family, and to appreciate this incredible life!

‘Papa San’ calms his grandson. That’s my Dad – don’t we look so alike??

I hope that you’re all enjoying these first few kisses of springtime (or autumn’s invigorating chill, for those of you in the southern hemisphere). I’m going to go back into hiding now, and continue to enjoy these precious, once-in-a-lifetime first weeks, with my newborn firstborn.

For those of you interested, I finally finished writing my [incredibly verbose - would you expect anything less? haha] Birth Story, which you can read here.

For the visually-minded, Waits has his very own microblog (maintained by Damian), here, with tons of photos and even a few words.


And finally, some thank you’s are in order.

A huge and heartfelt THANK YOU to Matt J, the L family, and Barbara B, for the generous contributions to my tip jar. You guys help to make all this possible, and I hope you know how much your support means to me.

A special THANK YOU to Katherine D, who sent me a Neti Pot off of my wishlist. I’m so excited to finally have one, and just in time for pollen season too. You rock!!!

And the sincerest of THANK YOUs to Jacquelyn, who sent me and my son a package of beautiful handmade bibs and burp cloths. These are amazing, I’m so impressed with your craft, and so incredibly touched at the sweet gesture. They are treasures, truly.

So thank you again, and thank you to all of you out there. You’re all my inspiration. I hope you’ll bear with me on my hiatus, and I hope to see you still here when I return!


Now, my dears, what are YOU looking forward to in the coming season?

So, I may be unavailable for a while . . . =)

Wish me luck! So far it’s just FUN. Woo-hoo!

1) Vegan Donuts. They are my pregnancy kryptonite.

2) The RadioLab podcast from WNYC. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s a radio show done in the style of This American Life, but it’s all about the mystery and magic of science. Perfection!

3) Ethiopian Food. I’d never eaten it before I moved to Portland, and I can’t believe I lived so long without Injera and Berbere.

4) Learning that my son has hair (via ultrasound). WOW! Little wonderful wisps on his perfect little head.

5) The song ‘New Resolution’ by The Heartless Bastards. I know it came out in like, 2006, but I’m completely enamored with it and can’t get it out of my head. It works so well for the new year and all.

6) The teapot I got for my birthday, which is lime green and lovely, and sure beats the little sauce pot we’ve been using for almost 6 months!

7) And speaking of, I’m drinking a ton of lemon ginger tea these days. I take it with maple syrup and real lemon juice. It’s medicinal and sooo relaxing.







8) Harley’s lower lip, which sticks out all funny-like. It’s hard to capture on film but I assure you, it’s *hysterical*.

9) Knowing that the crocus bulbs are ripening underground, all over Portland, and that soon they’ll be popping up from every sidewalk crack to tell us it’s springtime. The wee crocus is my favorite spring flower.

10) In the meantime, the Petrichor (which is also, as it so happens, my all-time favorite word)

11) Secondhand baby clothes! Especially those with animal ears and animal feet. I’m sort of obsessed. My son will end up wearing nothing but ducks and monkeys, I swear. Ha!









12) The Origin Of Love. Plato (yes *that* Plato) conceived of the myth itself, but Hedwig and The Angry Inch brought it to life! It’s so very beautiful. Incidentally, if you haven’t seen the film, WATCH IT. It’s in my top 5, easily.

13) Taquería Los Gorditos, which was our absolute favorite take-out food cart, recently opened a real restaurant. I’m not even kidding, I ate more of my meals from there than not, in the first 2 weeks they were open. Having a go-to eatery that brings you so much pleasure is PRICELESS. And these beans and rice are like gold my friends, gold I’m telling you. I swear this baby is built entirely of vegan burritos. (Damian want’s to make a baby blanket that looks like a giant tortilla, so we can wrap the baby up like a burrito. Genius, no!!? We’re gonna be millionaires . . . )

14) My ever-growing collection of houseplants. I want them everywhere, on every counter top and in every nook and cranny. So essential in winter – and they’re even good for you!

15) Baking soda. Need. I. Say. More? (I do need? Okay – lately I’ve been using my baking soda for heartburn relief, carpet cleaning, toilet deodorizing, and mildew scouring, among others)







16) Subversive artwork, a la Banksy. I don’t agree with everything he does or says, but I certainly appreciate his presence in the world! (and most of his stuff is just RAD, as evidenced above)

17) Getting packages in the mail! Ahhh, bed rest. It can be so terribly boring. But between the Holidays, the baby stuff, and my birthday, I’ve been getting bunches of boxes and it’s SO FUN!

18) Dreaming of produce. I can’t wait for late spring/summer and all the bounty that it brings. Overflowing farmers markets, eating a high-raw diet, and growing my own tomatoes. I like to flip through recipes and plan out all the amazing new dishes I’m going to develop. Yes, I’m a food geek! (and thus I want this so bad! HA)

19) Portland. I can’t even begin to tell you why, I don’t have the time.







20) Wearing my tutu. No joke, it brings me endless amounts of joy and reminds me of the ‘fairy slip’ I practically lived in as a child. I’m thinking of giving birth in it.

21) On the sartorial tip, lets include Big Clunky Boots and Stripey Long Socks. These classics will never get old and will alway make me happy.

22) Truly embarrassing reality TV addictions. I refuse to admit what I’ve been watching, but it is sinfully delicious and I am horribly hooked. I plead the bed rest defense.

23) Getting a ‘real’ hair cut. After years of drunken DIY snipping with friends, it’s somewhat of a luxury to go to a professional. Especially at my favorite spot, where the styling is super cheap and they give you free beer while you wait. (another reason for #19)

24) A precious sip of Damian’s Chianti. I actually had a whole glass of Syrah on my birthday, enjoyed very slowly over a long dinner. But those little tastes of my husband’s wine here and there, those have been such a treasure through this pregnancy.







25) Bertrand Russell. I’ve been reading his ideas and writings, which are still so relevant. What a mind, what a mind.

26) A good soak in the tub. I’ve always been a bath person, but with the big belly it’s just extra extra fun. Plus it takes the pressure off the ol’ back!

27) Tom Waits. Always and forever, no list of things I love would be complete without him. A primer: Damian had me listen to this song when he confessed his feeling for me. I walked down the aisle to this song (which is ‘our song’) at the wedding. And when our son is old enough for his own room, the lyrics to this song will be stenciled on the wall.

28) Finding out that Brian Greene, the quantum physicist and author I’ve had a total geek crush on for years and years, and maybe one of the smartest people alive, is A VEGAN!!! Oh, *swoon*

29) The impending birthday of Bonzai Aphrodite. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! And at the same time, I can’t believe its only been a year. I have worked so hard, and learned so much, and connected to so many amazing people here. This blog has grown into something more beautiful than I ever imagined, and in only 12 short months. Imagine what the next year will bring!




Now it’s your turn my dears – what little things are tickling you these days?

I just wanted to let you know I’ve returned from my break and will be diving back in this morning. It will probably take a few days to slog through my inbox, but the journey begins today and I hope to be all caught up by mid-week. Regular posting will also resume this evening.

I want to say thanks again for your patience through this difficult time. It’s hard for me to slow myself down and it’s especially hard to step away from Bonzai – and this incredible community. But it’s what I needed to do, and the support and understanding I’ve received has just meant the world to me.

So thank you! And now I’m BACK, hopefully for good!!!
BONZAI!

Unfortunately, I’m going to have to take another leave of absence from blogging. I wholeheartedly apologize and I assure you, this is not what I’d like. But I need to take another ‘me’ week right now and concentrate my energy inward.

I hope to return to my regular posting by next week at the latest. Please hold me in your thoughts in the coming days, and maybe send a little of those crunchy-good-thought-love-vibes in my direction.

To everyone who has commented on the site or sent me emails in the last couple of days, I’m sorry in advance for the tardy response. I hope you see this and know I’m not ignoring you! I shall do my best to work through my inbox but chances are high that I just won’t get there any time soon.

Thanks for the patience and support, guys. Remember: Stay Positive!!!

I was always the sort to eschew the new years resolutions. “Everyone always breaks them anyway,” I’d say. I think my friends and I all tried to quit smoking together one year. I lasted about 3 months – others didn’t even last the night.

But then in early 2008, I found myself in a very, very bad place. Would you believe I was a totally bitter, negative person? It’s true. I’d never dealt with depression before and it took me damn near a year to figure out what was going wrong. The sadness itself was brought on by a multitude of factors, but suffice to say it left me in a pretty bad way. I was lonely, lost, unmotivated, and squarely in the center of a quarter-life crisis. I knew I needed to do something radical, before I lost myself forever.

So I did. Not overnight and not without trial (and error), but I wrote a journal about the breakthrough, here, if you’re interested. I began to practice positivity as a lifestyle. I made sweeping changes, looked at myself critically, imagined what I wanted to become. A lot of the work I did during that time served as inspiration for this article. And of course, it led me here (among other places). Just a few months later I was launching Bonzai Aphrodite.

The turn of the year seemed a perfect time to put my vision down on paper. I do believe that having a reference point, the simple act of writing something down and thus entering it into the world, can be a powerful force in manifesting that goal. I had 10 new intentions that I kept in a Word doc on my desktop. It’s entitled 2009 – Living the Dream, and along with my ‘resolutions’, I record my strategies for happiness, my sources of inspiration, and a list of the books I’ve read (I always try to read more than I did the year before). I make sure to open it at least once a month, to read over my 10 intentions and remember the bigger picture.


Resolutions for a New Year:

1) I can be whoever I want to be.
2) CLARITY → VISUALIZE → MANIFEST
3) Practice being a good wife. Be good to Damian. Try to make sure that every day, his life is better because of me.
4) Make realistic, ambitious lists. Cross off everything. Then, allow satisfaction and relaxation.
5) GET PREGNANT IN 2009. Get happy before getting pregnant. Get happy.
6) Enjoy food. Eat healthily. Eat with intention and moderation and pleasure.
7) Walk the boys every day I am able.
8) Exercise every day I am able.
9) Worry less about money. Worry less about the future. Worry less.
0) Never get a ‘real’ job in 2009!




This year there are less intentions – I’m coming from a very different place, after all. But I still have a few (always will, I hope!), and on new years day I’ll write them down in a new Word doc.

What about you, my dears? Do you believe in setting intentions? Do you you make new year’s resolutions, or are you more the type to skip the gimmick?

Lots of Love and wishing you all the best and brightest year of your lives!

It’s good to be back, and I apologize for being gone so long. I hadn’t intended such an extended stay away, but sometimes life is unpredictable like that, you know? I hope you all had a magnificent holiday season, whatever it may have entailed.

Damian and I had lovely holidays (we celebrate Chanukah, Solstice, and Christmas, with various people) but it was not what we’d imagined. We had planned a long trip back to our home town – a whirlwind of visits and celebrations and merry making – but we ended up camped out on our big red couch instead.





On December 15th, at exactly 28 weeks pregnant, I began exhibiting some strange symptoms. Damian and I called the midwives and they had us come in immediately. After a day and a half of ultra-sounding, fetal monitoring, peeing into cups, bleeding into tubes, poking, prodding, and stirrup riding, I was told that I was exhibiting strong signs of potential preterm labor. I was put on complete bed rest, transfered to the care of an OB, and our holiday homecoming was canceled.

It was very frightening and I needed to take some time away from everything. Being such a logician, it was difficult for me to accept the answer, “We don’t know why.” I’m at risk for preterm labor because my cervix is too short, but why is my cervix too short!? No one knows. Apparently, very little is understood about preterm labor.

[ Just in case you were wondering (and I'm surprised how many have), this has nothing to do with veganism. And even though I knew that, I asked my doctor about it. He laughed in my face. Seriously. So yeah, this is not about diet. At all. ]





For the past week and a half we’ve been living a different life. I’ve had to quell my Hyper Productivity Disorder™ in a major way, and Damian’s had to pick up all my slack around the house. He has blown my mind with his support and his strength and in the midst of such a fearful situation, I can’t help but feel incredibly lucky.

So we’ve worked out the kinks and life is running somewhat smoothly again. I’m able to work from bed (or couch), but I’m mainly focused on eliminating stress, relaxing, and slowing down. My big internal hurdle of the last year or so has been around reconciling stillness. So, I’ve been joking, perhaps this is my final exam.

Our baby boy is absolutely amazing. He is measuring nice and big, healthy with a strong heartbeat and the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. He flips and kicks all the time, as if to reassure me that everything’s okay.





I feel physically better each day. I’m very optimistic that everything will be okay. My doctor agrees. He is a wonderful man, but when I reach 35 weeks I’ll be thrilled to transfer back to my midwives.

I continue to learn through this. I am humbled and I am grateful. My marriage has been tested and only strengthens; Damian and I are such an exquisite team. I almost can’t wait to begin this family of ours, but really . . . I can wait. At least another 8 weeks or so. =)





Lots of Love to all of you, and thank you for your support and your patience.

*** All photos of me were taken at 29 weeks 2 days, by Damian Rebhal ***