Today (Wednesday) was the first day of First Grade for my wee Mr. Waits. And he woke up excited, so squirmy he could barely sit still to finish his granola with raspberries (and that’s saying a lot, considering his undying love of granola with raspberries), and he certainly wasn’t about to put up with posing for photos with mom. No-siree. There was SCHOOL to get to, and his TEACHER to hug, and his FRIENDS to reunite with, and this little sweetheart could just hardly contain himself.

This morning, I thought back to this time last year. When I wrote a very emotional, very heartfelt post about my only baby entering real school for the first time. It felt like a beginning that was also the beginning of a long, slow march towards an ending. It felt like the first step towards someday really letting him go.

But there was so much more wrapped up in that post, too. Because it wasn’t just a beginning – but also an end. In that same post I wrote about losing our beloved Harley-dog, after 12 wonderful years of love and friendship.

And this morning I thought back over this past year, and everything that has happened. Where we’ve come from, and how far we’ve truly traveled. This time last year I was cloaked in sadness, the kind of sadness where even beautiful beginnings somehow felt like tragedy unwinding in slow motion. And it just got worse from there.

But then, it began to get better. And then I found my power again. And this summer has been nothing short of a BLOSSOM. Waits bloomed through surf camp and theatre camp and kung fu camp and aqua camp and nature camp and farm camp, he bloomed bright and wild like the magical little being that he is. And I bloomed too, finally, fucking finally, and I caught my footing and took off running and man, I ain’t ever looking back.

Today Waits started first grade and I had not one single ounce of sadness. When I walked him into school this morning and saw the same familiar faces, the teachers and parents, and of course all those wide-eyed starbright tiny people, it felt just like returning to a community where we belong. Hugs and high-fives. Squeals and laughter. And it felt like such an exciting beginning, one of many new beginnings in our lives these days.

So cheers to those. And to many more!

♥

He kept me company studying late nights through college, and saw me off before sunrise when I was doing my field research. He knew me when I was young and dumb and reckless and lost. He knew me before I knew myself.

Harley moved all the way to Portland with me, and then all the way back. He was there through my marriage, my pregnancy, my divorce. He was Waits’s first friend.

I was able to spend the whole weekend with Harley, before he died. We hung out on the floor in a cuddle pile for pretty much the entire 48 hours, and that was a gift. Many of our friends stopped by to say their goodbyes – a testament to his amazing spirit, that he had touched so many lives and had so many people who loved him.

Damian brought Waits to say goodbye too. We talked about what would happen on Monday, and Waits drew a picture of the two of them together. That picture is hanging in our living room now, as a memorial.

For me, not for him.

Damian was out of town for the 10 days before school started, and I was so happy and grateful to have that time to savor life with my sweet little boy. I wanted to steep in every last second of it.

Kindergarten is a beautiful beginning, and I’m very excited for Waits to start this great new adventure . . . but I’m also sad, because this is really an ending, too, in its way. I guess that every beginning is.

My baby is growing up, and it’s stunning and magnificent to behold, and sometimes it also hurts. The other moms tell me that’s normal.




On the first day of school, Waits skipped into his classroom and bellowed, “Hi Miss Anne! I’m Waits Rebhal: W-A-I-T-S R-E-B-H-A-L. This is my class!” and sat down on the circle rug to make new friends.

And I just couldn’t be any prouder of him. I just couldn’t be any prouder.

♥

We were playing a game we sometimes play – the “Pretend You’re Not Vegan” game.





The “Pretend You’re Not Vegan” game is a great way for vegan children to experience what it feels like to talk about veganism with non-vegans. Essentially, you just assume the role of a curious omnivore, and the child practices answering your questions. It’s a safe way for vegan children to work through these difficult conversations, without the pressure of being on the spot in a real-life situation.

This game can also be a great way for children to explore their own feelings about veganism, but I really think the value is that it empowers vegan children by giving them the language and the confidence they’ll need in order to navigate the complicated and deeply personal conversations that they’re certain to encounter as they move through a non-vegan world.

As you assume the role of the omnivore, try to imagine the kinds of questions your child might be asked (which will probably depend on their age). Anything from “But what do you even eat then?” to “But where do you get your protein?” or even as straightforward as “What is a vegan?”

And that’s it! It’s just a simple, role-playing, conversational game. And it can be as silly or as serious as you (or your child) want it to be.

To all you vegan parents out there – do you play something similar to the “Pretend You’re Not Vegan” game?

Or do you have any other games that you play which incorporate veganism?

Or if not a game, how do you help your children to feel confident and capable when talking about their lifestyle?

Please share in the comments below – I know that we can all provide a wealth of ideas and inspiration for one another!

Cheers!
♥ ♥ ♥

Which is why I’m finally posting this very, very special recipe. A recipe so special that it is, hands down, the most loved and the most commonly eaten food ’round these parts. Waits loves it because it’s quick, always at the ready, and totally delicious. And I love it because it’s a super nutritional powerhouse, packed full of protein and healthy fats and lots of essential vitamins and minerals.

Honestly? I think it’s sort of the perfect food for growing vegan children.

Protein is so important for growing bodies, and healthy fats provide calories, energy and form the foundation of nervous tissue. Fats are also essential for proper brain development and hormone function. So … kiddos need those fats!

Each kind of bean provides it’s own unique micronutrient profile, but most all beans are high in iron, magnesium, folic acid, and B-vitamins (not B12).

And perhaps the best part of all about Magic Beans, is that they require no cooking, no forethought, and only about 2 minutes to prepare from start to serving. You can’t beat that!

Here’s what you do:




Magic Beans have just 4 ingredients: beans (drained and rinsed), nutritional yeast, olive oil (or hemp oil or avocado oil or macadamia oil or another healthy oil of your choice), and tamari/Braggs/soy sauce (or just salt if you prefer).

To prepare, place 1 can of rinsed beans (or equivalent lentils) in a bowl. Drizzle with oil, I use probably 1-2 tablespoons but really it’s up to you. Add the nutritional yeast, somewhere between 1-3 tablespoons. Then drizzle or spray with tamari/Braggs/soy sauce, to taste.

Like so:




And then toss well to combine:





Finally, feed the resulting goodness to your favorite weegan — or wee non-vegan, they love Magic Beans too! In fact, we’ve pretty much gotten our entire preschool hooked on the stuff, because it’s just so dang tasty, and so dang healthy!

And around the house, we eat Magic Beans as a snack food, as an “appetizer” (you know –> “MoooOOooom I’m hungry now!” <-- while you're making dinner? This is great to hold them over, because even if they fill up on it, they've eaten something totally well-rounded and meal-worthy), and often as a main component of our meals (both lunch and dinner) (and okay, sometimes breakfast too - the cold leftovers are great in the morning!).

For example, a common dinner is Magic Beans, homemade mac and cheeze, and a raw veggie plate. Or an example lunch might be Magic Beans, coconut yogurt, fresh red peppers, snap pea crisps, and a few strawberries for dessert (Other sample lunches with magic beans, here and here). Yes, we eat a lot of them.

What can we say? We LOVE our Magic Beans!




And now, I want YOU to tell ME! What’s your simple + easy superstar recipe for vegan kids? Let’s help each other out, and share in the comments below!

Cheers guys!

♥ ♥ ♥

A big thanks to Whitney for making this happen! I love sharing our family and our values, opening up about our experiences and waht we’ve learned. And of course, helping to show that vegan kids are just like any other kids. Remember – #vkidsdoittoo!

Hope you’re all having a fantastic weekend!

♥ ♥ ♥

And as I’m sitting here trying to find the words to share my feelings about that, I keep typing . . . and erasing. Typing and erasing. It all feels forced. I really don’t know what to say that would express such a big – although in the great grand scheme of the universe, incomprehensibly small, but in the landscape of my own tiny life, just heartbreaking large – moment that this is.

I can’t believe how fast five years has gone. So fast.

And can I say that he’s this healthy, smart, and strong, because he’s vegan? Well gosh, of course not. There’s no way to know. But I can say this – it sure ain’t hurtin’!

This kid.

I’ll tell you though, I am so full of excitement for the next five years. The next five years are going to ROCK. I mean how could they not, with my own little Lizard Prince?

♥ ♥ ♥

No but seriously, I’m for-reals actually completely beside myself over this. It just doesn’t compute. I like, literally can’t even.

But okay, let’s just go with it. So my kid is turning FIVE, and like we have promised to do every year from now until he reaches the “OMG you guys are embarrassing me!” stage, we made our annual family pilgrimage to worship at the alter of the Mouse. I wrote a little bit last year about the complicated relationship that I have with Disney (so much nostalgia! so much that’s socio-politically problematic! so much joy! so much childlike wonder! so much consumerism and anti-eco-friendliness and un-sustainability and and and . . . okay, you get the point – so complicated!), but suffice it to say that this yearly trip is something that we love to do together, as a family. And it means so much to all of us.

Disneyland is actually surprisingly vegan-friendly, and I’m certain you could easily get by without bringing any food of your own, if you wanted to. I feel like every year I bring less and less . . . but it’s still nice to have those backup snacks on hand.

But in all seriousness, this tradition means so much to me. It symbolizes everything that matters and everything that we’ve worked for. And I am grateful for that – for this strange, sweet, safe little space that Damian and I have created where we can raise our son.

So grateful for our family.

Well, Waits is turning 5 next month, and I’m sure by now you know where I’m going with this. Because California is smack in the middle of a big (and growing) measles outbreak. And apparently, Disneyland is ground zero.

So the big question: Are we going to go to Disneyland this year for Waits’s birthday?

And the answer is yes, yes we are. Because all of us are vaccinated.

So vaccines. This is something that I’ve been meaning to write about – and that people have been begging me to write about – for a very long time. The issue is mostly that I’m ridiculously busy, and writing a post like this takes a lot of precision, and care, and emotional energy. It has to be just right, because it’s such a charged topic.

And there’s a lot of topics like those, so many things I want and plan to write about some day. But my lack of time means that I’m often operating with numerous major blog posts just bubbling away in the back of my brain, turning over and percolating until one day, unexpectedly, they decide it’s time to come out.

And that’s what happened today, in the shower actually, when this post just began to boil over and spill out of my brain all at once. So much so that I had to leap from the shower and stand, literally dripping wet in the middle of my bathroom, as I scrawled this entire miniature manifesto on pieces of coral-colored scratch paper. By the time I was done scribbling, I was dry.

And I guess I’m ready to share my thoughts on vaccination, now.

I remember back when I was pregnant with Waits, and I began to think about vaccinations. And living in Portland – nestled comfortably in the warm attachment-parenting, natural living, eco-friendly, vegan embrace of Portland Oregon parenting circles – I was definitely exposed to a lot of wariness surrounding vaccination.

And you all know that I am a hippie at heart. Raised a hippie, always a hippie. But then, I also have this strange sort of inborn duality. Because after my mother died when I was 9, I was raised by both my father, and my godparents. And my father is an herbalist, acupuncturist, and practitioner of Chinese Medicine. But my godfather is an MD, and relatively western-medicine-oriented.

So I grew up exposed to the inner-workings of both sides, and I feel like it’s given me a uniquely broadened lens with which I approach the issues of health, wellness, and medicine.

Like on the one hand, I make my own Oil Of Oregano to use during cold and flu season. Because hippie. But then on the other hand, I’m also, ya know, an actual scientist – in graduate school studying and teaching biology.

A little of this . . . a little of that.

But I digress. That’s just my background, and meant to illustrate how and why I approach these sorts of issues. Which is:

Open minded, and intellectually honest.

And I feel like those two qualities are so often missing from the vaccination conversation, which tends to be drawn in black-and-white terms, steeped in hyperbole and barbed with ad hominem. It’s not pretty. It’s not smart. And it’s certainly not helpful.

So when it came time to educate myself on vaccines, I tried to avoid the more hand-wringing, shrill sorts of voices – on both sides. And actually, I avoided the majority of voices all together, because I wasn’t after opinions. I was after evidence.

My most valuable source was the most neutral and trusted book I could find: The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears.

This book is simple, straightforward, and methodical. Dr. Sears simply presents each of the vaccine-preventable diseases: what they do and how they’re transmitted, the possible complications and outcomes associated with each one, and the statistical probabilities that each of these things could happen to your child. Straight data.

He also very clearly covers each accompanying vaccine: how it’s made, what poisons it contains, how it’s administered (separate or grouped, live versus inactivated, and including specific brand names), the potential mild and severe side effects, and the statistical probabilities that any of those side affects would happen to your child. It is very frank, and very honest. Which was very much appreciated.

As I read through the book, I compiled my findings – essentially creating a “Cliffs Notes” version – in a Word doc which I then passed along to Damian. Once he had gone over it, and done a bit of his own research, we sat down to form a game plan.

To vaccinate, or not to vaccinate.

I remember when I was 22 years old, and taking my very first college-level Political Science course (and loving every single second of it). I remember very clearly the day that we learned about John Locke, and his concept of the “Social Contract”.

Locke believed that humans would intrinsically form communities in order to protect and abet one another, and that when they did, they sort of . . . “involuntarily volunteered” . . . to operate under a set of natural laws that would guide and govern them. Essentially, he argued that we do not exist solely as individuals, independent from the people around us. Instead, we are part of a larger social system, where our civil rights are granted to us when we resolve to respect and defend the civil rights of our fellow humans. It was basically an overly-complicated, “Age Of Enlightenment”-y version of “We’re all in this together, man.”

And it resonated deeply with me.

Because HIPPIE, right?! But seriously, when I learned about Locke and how his ideas had helped to animate the foundation of our country, had informed our very Declaration Of Independence, I was nothing short of inspired. Because these are my beliefs as well.

I am a godless heathen with no spiritualism to guide me. But I do believe in goodness. I believe in our humanity. And I believe in community.

And this is what Damian and I kept returning to, as we talked and talked and talked our way around the vaccine debate. And boy howdy, did we talk! For weeks, maybe months, and from every angle. We examined and uncovered, sifted and sleuthed. We adopted new perspectives just to try them on for size – to see how the words felt falling from our lips. We’d be hot one day, and cold another. It was hard and it was confusing.

But it helped.

And now I’m going to say something that might make me unpopular:

It seems to me that when it comes down to it, those who choose not to vaccinate their children are only able to exercise this privilege because the vast majority of people are providing herd immunity. Period. End of story. (And yes, I have read all the “Herd Immunity Is A Myth” literature out there, and I don’t buy it. Not for one. single second. Because I may be a hippie, but gosh, I’m also a scientist. And there’s just no question. Heard Immunity is real.)

That said, we do know that there are serious risks associated with vaccines, and I’m not talking about friggin’ autism here. I mean seizures, Guillain-Barre syndrome, intussusception (where the intestine ‘telescopes’ in on itself), nerve dysfunction, etc, are all noted on the vaccine inserts, which are written by the manufacturers themselves. This is not hysteria or conspiracy theory. This is coming straight from the pharmaceutical companies that make the vaccines.

So to be clear – getting a vaccine DOES carry a very real – albeit small – risk.

However. People who choose not to vaccinate are, in no uncertain terms, choosing to allow everyone around them to shoulder that risk, and banking on the herd immunity to protect them while they opt out of taking the same risk. And as a parent, I get that. It’s your job to minimize your own child’s risk in whatever way possible.

But then . . . I got to thinking. As a parent.

And I thought about the Social Contract, and what I wanted to teach my child about what it means to belong to a community of fellow humans. To belong to his humanity.

And I thought about how, as a parent, I’m not *just* responsible for protecting my child’s physical safety. No, I’m also responsible for molding him into the man that he will some day become, and thus the way that he will move through the world forevermore. And so I asked myself, what kind of man do I want to teach him to become?

Do I want to teach him, “Me! Me! Me, at the expense of those around me!”

Or do I want to teach him, “I am in community. I am part of something that is bigger than myself, and I have a responsibility to respect and protect my fellow beings.”

And that, ultimately, is how I made my decision. I chose to walk my talk. I chose community.

So we vaccinate Waits. We delayed some of the vaccines, and we keep an alternative schedule, but we do vaccinate our son. There are undeniable risks associated with vaccines, and that’s why I prefer to space them out, and to save as many as we can for when he’s older (most of the risks, especially seizures, are higher in younger children). Anyway, he doesn’t need to be vaccinated for sexually transmitted diseases when he’s 4 years old. But the ones that affect him and the people around him – the highly contagious communicable diseases – well, he’s all caught up on those.*

And as I wrap this up, I’d like to emphasize that this is not meant to be a prescriptive post. I am not telling you what to do or think, and I’m certainly not talking in terms of law or public policy. I wrote this post because I wanted to share my thoughts on a very confusing topic. I wanted to express empathy for the parents who are scared and confused. I wanted to provide space to acknowledge that this issue isn’t as black and white as either side tries to paint it.

But it is important, and that’s why I decided (unexpectedly! in the shower!) to share my own process, and my ultimate decision.

And now, just one last thing before I go: please be nice. Please weigh in below in the comments. Please share your own thoughts and ideas. Please speak honestly and from the heart. You don’t have to agree with me or with each other, but please, please be nice. I have only ever deleted one or two comments in the entire 6-year history of this blog. So please, let’s keep it that way.

Alright my dears, now it’s your turn. Thoughts?

♥

*Except flu. I don’t get the flu vaccine and neither does Waits. This post is about the standard series of childhood vaccinations, not the ever-changing annual flu vaccine. Just wanted to clarify that!

My mom was an activist and even after she died, I lived with my dad who is an activist and my godparents who are also both activists, and so it comes as no surprise that I am an activist too. I guess you could say it’s sort of my legacy.

And that’s a legacy I want to pass on to my son.

And you know, it’s interesting. I hear a lot of my mother friends talking about how important it is to raise their daughters to believe in the empowerment of women, to internalize equality, and to never fall victim to social conditioning, gender expectations, or the beauty standard.

But I don’t hear that so much from the mothers of little boys.

And you guys – that’s a problem! As a woman responsible for raising a man, I believe that it’s my duty to teach him about the empowerment of women, about respect and equality, and about the awful pressures of social conditioning, gender expectations, and the beauty standard.

But you know – age appropriate!

So here is our list (so far), of totally feminist, strong female lead, non gender normative, picture books. 100% Waits approved! Our Top 5 Favorites in detail, plus a longer list if you still want more. Here goes:



The Princess Knight
By Cornelia Funke, and illustrated by Kerstin Meyer

This is Waits’s absolute favorite picture book, featuring a badass princess who learns to fight and eventually bests all the knights in the kingdom, to win her own hand in marriage. I like the art and the traditional framework of the story makes it a fun play on a familiar narrative. Waits really loves the jousting.



Me, Jane
By Patrick McDonnell

This is all about Jane Goodall’s childhood. It’s an autobiographical picture book that tells the story of a girl who grew up and followed her dream in a time when women weren’t generally accepted in the world of science – especially not doing field work in Africa. As a female scientist, I really really appreciate this book.

Extra points for Intersectionality: Conservation; Environmentalism; Animal Welfare



Nobody Owns The Sky
By Reeve Lindbergh, and illustrated by Pamela Paparone

This is another autobiography of a woman who pushed the boundaries in a time when women were expected to fit into very specific roles. It’s the exciting story of “Brave Bessie” Coleman, a black woman who became a stunt pilot all the way back in the 1920s. Just a warning for parents of sensitive kiddos – Brave Bessie died while performing in an aerial show, and the book does acknowledge her death.

Extra points for Intersectionality: Racial diversity; African-American history



The Paper Bag Princess
By Robert Munsch, and illustrated by Michael Martchenko

Apparently this is an old story that’s been illustrated in several iterations. I love the pictures in the book we got (pictured above and linked) and I really love the story. It’s fun and playful along the way, telling the story of the princess/heroine outsmarting a dragon. The ending comes as quite a surprise in this classic “slay the dragon” tale. Totally delightful.



Frida
By Jonah Winter, and illustrated by Ana Juan

This might be my favorite of the five. Frida Kahlo is a personal hero of mine, and I’m so happy to share her story with my son through this incredible art and words. I adore the illustrations, and the story is told in whimsical poetry that doesn’t shy away from the difficulty that Frida faced in her early life. Excellent, and highly recommended.

Extra points for Intersectionality: There’s-A-World-Outside-Of-America; Mexican history and culture



Multi-Media Bonus: Free To Be You And Me
By Marlo Thomas and friends

You guuuuuuuys! I grew up on Free To Be You And Me, and I am SO THRILLED that it’s still around. Pictured above is the book, but what I really recommend is the CD or DVD. This is a multi-media extravaganza of music (the book includes sheet music), photography, poetry, stories, drawings, and in the DVD – live action, puppetry, and cartoons. It’s AMAZING and best of all, it features 1970s amazingness in all its polyester, bell-bottomed, feather haired, weird color combo’d glory. PERFECT.

Free To Be You And Me covers racial equality, gender equality, and challenges traditional gender norms with songs like “It’s Alright To Cry” (aimed at little boys), “William Wants A Doll”, and stories like “Ladies First”. Plus SO MUCH MORE.

You can buy the DVD or book, and the CD is great to have . . . but also FYI it’s free on Spotify just sayin’!




Other Female-Positive Books We’ve Read:

Girls A to Z

Katy and The Big Snow

A Is For Abigail: An Almanac Of Amazing American Women

Not All Princesses Dress In Pink

A Sweet Smell Of Roses

Not One Damsel In Distress: World Folktales For Strong Girls (this is for a bit of an older age range)


And A Few More We’re Still On The Lookout For (but I can’t vouch for these):

Girls Think Of Everything: Stories Of Ingenious Inventions By Women

Two Girls Can

My Princess Boy

10,000 Dresses

In this post, I’ve provided links to purchase all of these books (and FYI, they’re affiliate links, so make sure to avoid them if you’re not comfortable with that), but honestly I got the vast majority of these from our local Public Library. In fact, when I spoke to the librarian about what I was looking for, I was thrilled to hear that she’d already been putting together a list of children’s books with strong female protagonists (it was mostly for older kids, but still, very cool). The library is such an amazing resource!

And finally, I want to hear from all of you. This is only the beginning of our list, and we’ve got many more years of reading to do, so please – if you have a favorite book that you think would fit the bill – share! Let’s get a big list going in the comments, so other parents can check in and connect.

Cheers!

♥

Happy weekend, friends!