And happy 2014 to you as well!! I hope it’s a great one for you as well, full of joy and of learning. ♥

So I’m a bit confused about the financial picture here. As I’ve never been in this situation, you’ll have to educate me. I thought child support was paid out until the child is 18. Is this incorrect? Also, you mention you are solely financially responsible–so Waits’ dad pays nada?? Seems to me the costs would be split somehow. Yes, you have to pay for your own place to live now that you’re not splitting rent/mortgage payments…and housing is a biggie! But isn’t it customary for the father to pay for costs related to upbringing (clothing, food, education, etc.)? That’s what I’ve encountered with families in this situation. Is this not always the case?

Thanks for engaging in a lovely dialogue about sensitive subjects :)

P.S. Hearing your anxiety about money (“literally isn’t enough money”, etc.) is something I understand all too well. That, of course, is the main concern and hurdle with deciding to be a single parent by choice. Ooh..that made me think of another distinction—access to a “babysitter!” When I decide to take the plunge, it will be just me. Many couples have some form of shared custody–be it weekly, monthly, seasonally, etc. Especially when there’s a decent amount of split time, there is some time to recharge your batteries a bit. And, in the best of situations, the other parent can be flexible. So, if you have to go away for the weekend or attend a workshop, there is a possibility of having someone watch the child–without wiping your bank account clean! I worked for a mom in this situation. Of course, when her kids were with their dad she missed them tremendously. But, I think it made it that more special when the kids were with her–she always WANTED to see them. That’s an awesome thing–even mothers with a partner in the house can often feel a bit trapped at times. While I’m sure sending them off with their dad tugs at her heart strings every time, it allows her to actually *want* to see her kids. They aren’t just around all.the.time. We all need and want a break. I’m terrified I won’t ever have that and I don’t want to feel resentful.

Lordie…now I’m crying again. Have tried getting my mom on board to help support me in my decision (emotionally, not financially) and she just can’t seem to bring herself to do it. Have asked her time and time again–for months–to help me see the positive sides of what I’m choosing to do. Because, trust me, although I desperately want children, this is the most complicated decision I’ll probably ever have to make. Not even having someone tell me I can do it makes it soooo tough. Finances are always an integral piece of the puzzle…but, as you so astutely mentioned, not feeling confident (i.e. feeling like a failure) can add to the whole lack of money thing…and vice versa. It’s a vicious cycle. I have literally laid out what I need from her emotionally–for almost 6 months now! Not having her support is almost harder to deal with than mourning the “loss” of the family I thought I’d one day have (a partner, a child and me). Sorry…I’m a bit of a blathering basketcase at the moment.