Best,
Amy Morley
Director of Operations
Institute for Humane Education
amy@HumaneEducation.org
(207) 667-1025
http://humaneeducation.org/

Nina has a five-year old cousin with life-threatening allergies to dairy, tree nuts, peanuts, gluten (she’s been diagnosed with Crohn’s and celiac) and eggs, and is sensitive to soy and corn. So, I find it very disrespectful when Nina ganks her cousin’s diagnosis when it suits her at play school. The few times Nina has been given dairy (by my lovely mother) she had an awful GI reaction – that’s always how we figured it out before my mother would fess up. So, I’m hoping N will start using the word sensitivity with dairy. She has pet hens and knows a LOT about eggs and is a very vocal advocate on that subject, so I think the times she says she’s allergic to eggs is when she just doesn’t have the energy to start a verbal sparring match.

As for schools, the teacher absolutely will not stick her with an EpiPen unless you have provided one. You will have a card to fill out that details any food restrictions or medical issues your kid has, I would just fill it out with a clear description of what Nina’s food limitations are (whether that be “only food from home” or “no dairy” etc.) and you should be fine.

I haven’t read many parenting books – everyone kept suggesting a book with “Spirited Child” in the title, but it was always checked out at the library (and no copies at the second hand book store) and I figured that if I ever got my hands on it, I wouldn’t have time to sit down and actually read it.

I’ve mentioned before that my support system in Chicago was amazing — not so much here in the South. But with the magic of the internet at my fingertips, I’ve been able to build an online support system that is more varied and experienced than what I had back home.

That class looks amazing – I checked it out when you blurbed about it while you were taking it. I’m trying to find a way to justify/sell (for lack of a better word) the cost (in dollars and time) of becoming a Humane Educator to myself and husband – not only will it make me a more organized and directed person, but it feels like the next step in my personal evolution as an AR activist. Or a mini-step, before heading into animal law, I guess you could say.

I think about the *big picture* concepts too much sometimes – raising a Nina and working on law school applications will do that to a person! Also, Nina is at a point where I am starting to let her make some small choices where food is concerned. Like it or not, she is just a few months away from starting *real* school, and I don’t want her to ever see food as a vehicle for rebellion/defiance/shame. Kids share food with other kids, parents and teachers bring unexpected treats, and I don’t *ever* want her to feel guilty about a food choice she made on the spur of the moment. Or to take secret pride in eating something that is “taboo.” Our biggest hurdle right now is that she’s telling everyone she’s allergic to dairy and eggs; she won’t think it’s so clever if she eats a dairy-laden snack on the same day she has the sniffles and ends up getting stuck with an Epi pen by an over anxious teacher. But more importantly, she needs to understand what it means to be truly allergic, so that she doesn’t put a child with food allergies at risk by assuming they’re just vegan, like she is.

Speaking of, a couple that are influencing me at the moment are Momma Zen: Walking the crooked path of motherhood by the Karen Maezen Miller. Short insightful chapters that you can read pretty quickly (I keep my copy in the bathroom). I’ve read it a few times, and there is so much honesty, wisdom, and compassion throughout that it really helps me feel better during the low times and reminds me to remain present with this incredible journey…

Also it’s a bit old-fashioned (my mother-in-law passed them on to me) , but the Fitzhugh Dodson books have some really good stuff in them, and what particularly resonated with me was the need for parents to be “authentic.” His idea is that it’s way more important for your kids to see you as you truly are rather than trying to pretend to be someone that you are not – this in turn gives them room to be authentic as well. I don’t buy into all his book say, but overall they’ve been very helpful, lots of great stuff on how to actively listen to your kid, reinforce positive behavior rather than always punishing the negative, etc.

Beyond books what helps me the most is hearing about other parent’s struggles, whether it’s friends or blogs like yours or articles like the one you shared the other day. Hearing other parents talk about how hard they have it helps me fight this totally idealized image I picked up somewhere of parenthood as blissful and fulfilling – and that if you don’t feel that way all the the time something is wrong with you, or you’re a bad parent. I so appreciate the honesty of other parents, and I’ve found that when I’ve opened up about my own difficulties it creates a space for others to share what they’ve struggled with a as well. So healing! And it makes me a better parent because it allows me to stop beating myself up so much and just try to be the best parent I can be, not some idealized mother that doesn’t really exist – or at least isn’t me.

By the way just wanted to say thanks for your blog, I’ve been reading off an on when I have time though I haven’t commented in a while. I especially appreciate what you’ve shared about parenting, since I’m currently on that path with an 18-month old who sounds as spirited and as high-energy as yours! I amazed that you find the time to do all that you do!